Everyone you’ll hate on the 699 by second semester
It’s a magical mystery tour
The 699 is a staple part of life at the University of Liverpool. Whether you’re Lady Mountford or Vine Court chances are you’ve ridden your way through Smithdown on it. But, as they say, you never ride alone, here are the very worst of your companions.
The screechy, glitter faced freshers who knock back the bottles of Echo Falls really make you reassess your life. You’re heading off for an all-nighter in the SJ whilst they’re losing their dignity on a dancefloor somewhere in Concert Square. Nobody told you uni would be this miserable.
Sober second year
The grumpy second and third years who sit there hating you for having a good time are the worst. Just because they’re old and grouchy, they shouldn’t stop you having fun. You’re paying nine grand to be here too after all. This is your bus – what do they expect?
The pass-agg driver
It’s common knowledge that there is one fit driver, the rest are horrible. The reality of the matter is they’ll either ask for your number or ask for a fight if you dare to hand them a £20 note instead of the required £2 for a myTicket.
The bag (and its owner)
There’s always one girl, done up to the nines, nails like claws, leopard print fur coat, with a Michael Kors handbag that decides that her knock-off purse takes priority over the weepy students who are forced to stand when the 699 hits rush hour. So while the rest of us shuffle around the bus like battery chickens, I hope your stupid bag and it’s stupid proprietor miss their stop and you get stuck on another half-hour tour of Smithdown.
ASDA bag mule
The poor sod who’s offered to buy all the mixer for their flat and has rather overestimated how many bottles of Aldi value cola they can carry home. Their bags bump you on the way in and the way out, and even though you pity them, you can’t help but hate them a little deep down inside.
What do you think you’re going to learn in your 20 minutes commute to your exam? Flashcards won’t save you now.
There’s one in every year; the total swot. You’re sat on the bus to your 10 am exam desperately leafing through some sparse looking notes you made in week two while they sit there chirpily looking out the window. You hate them not only because they’re calm and look like they actually slept last night, but also because you know they’re about to sail through this exam and you’re about to cry.
The noisy one
Despite the dagger glares and the head swivelling judgement, the painfully un-self aware individuals that spout off at full volume at 8am are amongst the worst you will meet on the 699. The decibels they produce at such un-godly hours are unnatural and unacceptable. Especially to those who spent the night drinking their dignity away, one raz-bomb at a time.
It’s Valentine’s Day soon and the bitter reminder that you won’t be bringing back a man to show grandma this Easter (AGAIN) is becoming all too real. After 10 minutes of those smoochy couples on the back-seat chatting about floral curtains for their bathroom you’re going to want to throw them under the 699, let alone ride it with them.
There’s one thing for it this semester. Get your walking boots on, your headphones in and brave the journey by foot. It’s only an hour long walk from Carnatic to campus…easy, right?