Secret santa is the Christmas tradition we could all do without

It’s December now, the John Lewis advert is out and you’re really starting to feel the festive spirit. Then Lucy, the resident mum of the flat pipes up “So I’ve written everyone’s names in a hat ready for Secret Santa, shall we do it now?! Gifts are due next Friday, is that OK guys?”.

Oh great, Lucy’s gone and done it. Instantly you’re reminded of one of the worst Christmas traditions, and you start feeling a little less Mariah Carey and a little more My Chemical Romance.

“Let’s put all of the presents under our tiny £5 tree”

First of all, you have absolutely no money. It’s week 11, it’s been a long time since you’ve seen any student loan and your overdraft needs an overdraft at this point. The last thing you really need is to buy this present. “Is £15 too much?” screams Connie from the corner. Yes, Connie. £15 is too much. It’s alright for you, you’re from Kent and your mum and dad send you a food allowance of £100 a week (most of which you spend on ASOS next day delivery anyway).

To make matters worse, you’ve got the most awkward person in the house. You love Dan,  of course, but the fact he’s a lactose and gluten free makes a box of chocolates a bit out of the question.

Who is the guy underneath the beard?

If you haven’t got the difficult one, you’ve got the one you don’t know very well. This usually happens with the classic “work Secret Santa”. You do a Saturday shift once a week in this Costa, you call in sick half the time anyway. What the hell do I buy the Supervisor? Is a bottle of wine too standard? What do I write on the card? Is it Ellie with an E or a Y?

So you’ve got to accept it, you’re involved now. And actually you’ve spent a lot of time getting your present. You didn’t just go for a generic option, you spent hours searching for the perfect gift, admittedly, as distraction from your essay that’s due in, but still.

Ah great, a mug with a motivational message. Just what I wanted…

You’re hoping the same level of thought has been put into your gift. Someone hands it to you, and what did you get?! Ah great, you got a lynx set; a ‘hilarious’ grow your own girlfriend; a bottle of gin (you hate gin). Now you’ve got to pull out those GCSE Drama skills and pretend you’re happy with what you received. You’re so glad you got involved, can’t wait until next year.