The worst people you meet in the Sydney Jones during deadline season

We all love the Sydney Jones. Unless you’re a medic, because then you probably feel you’re somewhat above the SJ because the Harold Cohen is your retreat.

For those of us lucky enough not to be medics, we’ll most likely be spending a decent amount of time in the SJ during deadline season which is now looming, if this is the case you’ll begin to notice there are several types of annoying students always present.

The computer vulture

You’re happily typing away revision notes, but in the corner of your eye you can see someone walking past again and again. These seat predators don’t give up even though it’s clear there are currently no computers free. They continue to circle round the desks making everyone in close proximity feel increasingly awkward. They continue in the belief that one of you will crack soon and run away.

The foodie

During revision snacks are an essential. Grab yourself a tesco meal deal and you’re sorted, or maybe bring a few extras like chocolate or coffee and you’ll last the night. However, when someone has spent the last hour eating and not doing any work you start to wonder why they don’t just go home. The rustling, crunching and slurping continues for a solid two hours, before they head out of the SJ leaving a desk full of wrappers behind them.

The couple

Entering the SJ to see a couple power necking in the doorway is quite frankly sickening and even infuriating. Nobody wants to bring their meal deal back up in the library. It’s not cute either that they’re giggling and kissing in the corner, we’re all stressed with deadlines and the last thing anyone wants to see is your happiness, fuck off.

Get a room

The conversationalist

We get that you bumped into Katie who lived in your block in first year and you haven’t seen for a while but please, take it outside.

The napper

You tried, you failed. Go home and have a sleep. Everyone feels weird when they walk past you because this is actually a public place, not a bedroom.

We can actually hear you snoring

The dictator

Everyone hates group work, it never works out equally and all you do is piss each other off. The five of them are huddled around a table and that one person is clearly calling the shots. Everyone sits there looking bewildered while Helen presents flash cards, a flip chart, timetables and a list of responsibilities. Oh, and she brought snacks in tupperware if everyone can chip in a quid. She takes paypal.

The one lost to an overdose on caffeine

Getting up a lot and buzzing all over the library, this one is surrounded by empty cans of Red Bull. Their computer screen is full of words giving the illusion of a finished essay but when read back the words don’t seem to even belong in the same sentences.

You can hear their heartbeat from halfway across the room

The smoking police

When you’ve been sat in the SJ for four hours, you naturally need a cig break and some fresh air. Sadly these short breaks from the stress of deadlines are often interrupted by the librarians telling you to smoke further down the steps. Alright Maureen, calm down. You really think I’m going to set the library alight by standing a few metres closer to the door?

The one on the edge

This poor soul can be seen crying at a desk surrounded by books, remnants of food and tissues. They’ve been sat there for 5 hours and still feel as though no progress has been made. The only solution seems like six shots of vodka, a hug and a week’s worth of sleep. Instead they cry into their dissertation wishing there were more hours in the day.

*sobs quietly as deadlines approach by the hour*

Seat savers

This is pointless. What are you achieving saving a seat in the quiet zone? You’re not going to have a full on conversation when your mate gets there and some of us actually need the computer seats now. When encountering seat savers the best tactic is to sit on top of their bag as though you haven’t seen it. All they can do is move it from under your arse and wonder where they went wrong.