All the people you’ll see at Liv uni gym

Everyone has done the grudging trip to the uni gym at least once. We’ve all experienced the agonising pain of waking up after a good session, the embarrassment of lifting a weight 10 times less than the man standing next to you and the burning sensation of sweat dripping into your eyeball. We don’t do this alone, however. There are certain types of people you can guarantee will be there with you.

The Newbie

We’ve all seen them, they start the gym without a clue what to do after being tied down to a new years resolution, or an urge to work off the cheesy chips they lived off in freshers week. They do the trek of shame around the gym with one of the staff members showing them every single machine,  roughly telling them what to do with them (it’s only 8 button touches away from a basic workout) and then they enter the secret room in which health checks takes place. After all this rigmarole, they wander aimlessly around the gym until they settle on some of the easier equipment which they gently exercise on until they decide to leave. It’s unfair to say that no-one would ever persevere, but let’s be honest, most do not.

Heavy

The Show Off

The gym dweller who achieves a very small amount of gains and but continually looks at him/herself in the mirror rather than continue to train. They would rather do one set and look in the mirror posing for 20 minutes and get the perfect selfie in their wife beater than keep on their routine. No one likes a show off.

The Unprepared Dresser

Usually easily confused with the Newbies are the people that decide jeans, long tops and jumpers would be good gym wear. You see them sweating, heavy breathing and exhausted after ploughing on the running machine or lifting dumbbells in a turtleneck. It looks like they are more prepared to give a lecture than pump some iron.

So ready

The Try Hard

A breed of human truly trying to better themselves, normally at the expense of their dignity and at risk of injury. They often try, and fail, to look cool by lifting weight way above their capability for a “quick” way to gain muscle. Their faces are always a darker shade of puce which causes mild anxiety amongst gym staff thinking they might be mid-way through a cardiac arrest. They will have fantastic looking legs but they are no use when they’re paralyzed from the waist down after the dreaded leg day. Relax a bit, mate.

The Phone-y

These people are not new to the gym and have even brought the adequate clothing – probably costing them quite a lot. Only to walk on the treadmill and text, Snapchat or Instagram the whole time. It gives the appearance that they are doing exercise but in reality they are texting their mates about which pub to go to after this gym “session”, or catching up on the latest gossip.  Dedication comes with only using phones for music in the gym.

All the gear no idea

The Slacker

These are the people you will only see a couple of times at the gym in a year. They are the “I’ll start next Monday” people. They will probably show up a couple of times of the year and quit after 20 minutes. They’re caught in a world where they never really began the gym but also never really give it up. A very weird equilibrium.

The Masterpiece

The masterpiece has trained substantially for years and years. They have rippling muscles, arms the size of tree trunks and washboard abs. There is nothing you can do but stare in awe as they lift your body weight in one arm. The gym goer everyone wants to be and don’t they know it. They’re the one who will give you tips on how best to use the weight machines (yeah, cool thanks mate) and chat to other people loudly about long term performance. We get it – you gym.