A mid-deadline ode to the Sydney Jones Tesco

You’ve been in the library since 12pm and you’ve only done 200 words of a 3000 word essay which is due tomorrow. Your head is thumping, you’re dangerously dehydrated and the library cafe is closed. You are in dire need of a boost, some fresh air and something to ignite your ability to write about something which you haven’t done nearly enough reading on.

Across the road from you is a glowing light, a building which can offer you an abundance of inspiration and energy. The Tesco Express opposite the Sydney Jones will be your rock this essay season, your shoulder to lean on and your secret weapon to scraping that 2:1 you so thoroughly deserve.

Holy Mecca

We’ll start with the basics, any student knows, “when in doubt, meal deal”. With pasta salads, wraps, sandwiches and those long sub things combined with an additional snack and a sugary drink all for £3, we are living in a truly brilliant world. Tesco Express knows its audience and with its entire fridge full of energy drinks and iced coffees, it’s not messing around.

Sprite, a niche choice

However, if you think that the Tesco is simply a grab your meal deal and go, then you are simply not making the most of what this beacon of hope can offer you. Let’s face it, it’s 9pm and you’ve still got pretty much the entirety of your essay to write. That stir fry you optimistically planned isn’t going to happen, admit that you defrosted that chicken for nothing and move on.

You’re also skint; you’d get yourself a takeaway but you’ve spent all your money on the Secret Santa present for Beth in your house – you don’t even like Beth. She didn’t deserve that bath set.

Well, for inspiration on what to make your ‘evening meal’, look no further than the reduced section placed tactfully next to the tills. Sushi; crumpets; ready cut mango – things you’d never consider eating on any normal day, but your 3,000 words on Russian Social policy is due in 18 hours and these new items become essentials for the all nighter you’re about to pull.

A mountain of opportunity

Now for the tricky bit, paying. You can barely think straight, let alone conduct a conversation and work out change. The last thing you need right now is a patronising “late night in the library is it?” from a checkout assistant. Well it’s almost as if Tesco Express knows you better than you know yourself, giving you breathing space and providing you with an abundance of self service tills.

No human interaction necessary

The queue might be quite long sometimes, full of freshers buying vodka and having more fun than you, but that’s okay. You might bump into Vicky, your old housemate who you awkwardly slept with in freshers and never spoke to again. You might have to cross what seems like the busiest road in Liverpool to get there. But you know, deep down, it’s worth it.

Fuck the new Subways that keep popping up around campus. We love you Tesco Express and we are eternally grateful for your constant support.