All the questions you ask yourself when you live on Smithdown

Smithdown, it’s the place locals tell us to avoid and yet where we all decide to live. As you embark upon your transition into a full time Smithdown legend, your first month will be a process of discovery and there will be many questions which rack your brains.

Why is the Sefton Park ASDA such a haven and why am I spending so much time here?

If you were fortunate enough to live on campus in your first year, you were happy with those little Tesco Express’ dotted about everywhere. However, when you stumble upon the gigantic two floor haven that is Sefton Park ASDA your life will be forever transformed. A 24-hour dream world, including a counter where you can actually have a personalised pizza created in front of your very eyes. You will spend more time in ASDA than is acceptable.

Our saviour

Does anyone actually shop in those second hand furniture stores?

Do they make any money? How do they survive as a legitimate business? We need more information immediately.

Will you ever go anywhere but The Brookhouse?

There is only one pub worth going to in Smithdown, known simply as the ‘brookie’ if you reach full time Smithdown royalty level. Why aren’t I willing to go for a drink anywhere else? Is there anywhere else to go? Does anywhere else do £1.25 pints on a Thursday? The answer to all of the above is a resounding no.

We love you brookie we dooooooo

Am I the only person at uni without a car?

None of your housemates have a car, nobody you know on your course has a car, nobody you know at uni has a car and everyone you know at uni lives in Smithdown. And yet for some unknown reason, Smithdown is occupied by an abundance of vehicles. Ferndale: cars everyone, Avondale: cars everywhere, Langdale is practically a second hand car storage facility. What is going on here?

Who owns all of these cars though?

Will I ever actually walk to uni?

Remember when you told yourself you’re going to take an leisurely walk to your two hour seminar every Thursday of second year? You’re going to wake up 30 minutes later than you were planning and do an embarrassing run of shame towards the 699. You won’t make yourself a healthy lunch to take to uni either. You’ll spend all of your money on Greggs and Tesco meal deals.

Does one place actually need this many take aways?

So many takeaway’s and not a gym in sight, good luck maintaining a moderately healthy lifestyle living in an area which contains Dixy’s Chicken, Chester’s and an array of Indian and Chinese takeaways. Does the place have a secret goal to make you fat? How do I spot the good ones from the ones which could result in serious food poisoning? Where’s the hygiene rating?

Why do my bins keep disappearing?

Why are people stealing bins? What do they gain from this?

Liverpool’s most prized possessions…apparently

What’s the difference between the 86 and 86A?

They all head away from Smithdown but what’s the difference? Why isn’t one the 89? There’s even an 86D, should you get on it or will you end up in Wirral? Who knows?

Is bargain booze a real thing or just a figment of my imagination?

Your first experience at a bargain booze will be an interesting one. It’s like a weird over the counter pharmacy for local alcoholics, something about it makes you quite uncomfortable but the cheap bottles of vodka put you at ease. 

Am I really going to spend the next two years of my life here?

Yes and you will love it.