How to throw the best Smithdown Halloween Party

If you don’t live in the graveyard house you’ll need all the help you can get

halloween house party

It’s Halloween House Party season. Let’s face it: nobody really likes braving concert square, you don’t know someone in the Graveyard house, and you just can’t rely on anyone else’s party to be 10/10. If you want something done properly, do it yourself. Here’s how to have the spookiest Smithdown Halloween party.

Set up your Ouija Board to bring Tupac to perform

Nothing says ‘bangin house party’ like the appearance of a deceased rapper. Dust off the family Ouija Board (we all have one) and try and get Tupac on the blower. The notorious rapper is sure to liven up any Smithdown gaff, plus he’s been known to make posthumous appearances (think Coachella 2012). While he’s around show him the sights: The Smithdown Aquarium, the spirits aisle of Asda, that creepy place that sells doll houses. Don’t be disappointed if you can’t get Tupac though – the spirits can be very slippery, so don’t be alarmed if Cilla Black shows up instead. Just enjoy her rendition of “Anyone who had a heart” and thank her for coming.

Tupac? Is that you?

Decorate your walls with deadlines for the year

It’s week five so like the ghost of Christmas’ future these deadlines are looming closer and closer. Your dissertation may feel like a blip on the horizon but realistically you’re 1000 words in and it is haunting you already. Take some post it notes, scribble down all of your remaining deadlines and stick them ominously on walls with no context.  “What is happening on November 9th?” a guest will ask you.  The look of pure horror in your eyes will scare them for days.

Re-Create the graveyard in your garden

Make a new Toxteth graveyard in your garden as a tribute to all the friends you’ve lost, ex’s dumped, and flatmates who have dropped out since you started uni. Some relationships ended happily, some you lost touch with, and some ended with you throwing their belongings across Carnatic’s field, but all can be memorialised in your year, to be respectfully mourned when people go out for a fag.

Dead bodies not included

Dye your MDMA orange

Normal drugs are soooo September. How will you incorporate white sniff into your costume? Come on, it’s Halloween. Everything has to be orange. Everything. You could use some orange food colouring, or go all out and show everyone just how dedicated you are to this overrated holiday and mix it with some paprika to spice up the evening.

Leave your food out for 2 days before the party so it’s covered in rat poo

The time of year has come to embrace one of Smithdown and Kensington’s biggest downfalls, the rats. Make ’em feel at home. Add authenticity to your party by leaving your leftover pasta and mediocre attempt at pumpkin soup out for a couple of days before Halloween. Your guests will be more than impressed at the weirdly realistic rat droppings, although those off their faces on orange MDMA will wonder if they are hallucinating furry creatures. Or, just collect dead rats from around campus and use them as table decoration.

Contact the ‘spirits’ 

When you’re searching for alcohol for the squad, make sure you speak to the higher beings to check that that they are comfortable with the decision made. Asda’s own or Smirnoff? Give them a ring, let them know what the deal is.

“Hello is that the Devil Vodka?”

Say a prayer for anyone going to concert square on Halloween 

Whilst you’re partying away at your boss house party, remember to take a time out with your squad and pray for those less fortunate than you are. They didn’t get invited to your party, they have no other friends hosting and they made the stupid decision to venture into town, into the unknown. It’s packed, it’s rowdy and it’s simply not fun. Sit down with your friends, hold hands and be thankful. Thankful for the sesh.

Praying for the fallen