Everything you’ll learn in your first term at Liverpool

Freshers week is a week like no other. You experience a new kind of lifestyle which doesn’t revolve around when your mum can drop you off at your local spoons for a few drinks after school.

With your new found student power, comes great responsibility. The responsibility to make right decisions. None of which will be made in freshers week. However, what you learn in the next couple of weeks, as a fresher, will stay with you for the rest of your life.

Carnatic isn’t as awful as it looks

You walk in as a fresher, mummy and daddy holding your hand, and you collectively scream in horror at the prison-like halls. They’ll be scared to leave you in these digs but within hours of being there, you’ll be texting them back saying how much fun you are having and how you can always find a pre-drinks…anywhere. From the alright dinners, to the annual 4/20 sesh on the field and the constant parties, Carnatic is simply one of the best things about being a Liverpool fresher.

Once you’ve experienced concert square you don’t bother with the Guild

They’ll lure you in with promises of noughties pop icons (*ahem* Cascada *ahem*) and vaguely popular radio 1 DJs, but venturing out into town after your first night at a mediocre freshers event, your mind will be blown. Mountford Hall is easily forgettable.

Taxi drivers teach you more than your 9am ever will

From which pub has the cheapest pint to the ins and outs of the Wirral-Liverpool rivarly, taxi drivers have a fountain of knowledge of which they are desperate to impart. Stay friendly with them and they may even give you a lollipop as you’re driving to Juicy – true story!

Cava is the new pres

Once you’ve got yourself suitably smashed off value vodka and made your way in to town the first and only place to go is Cava.  No night has really begun until you’ve necked some summer fruits tequila and tacticalled in the toilets upstairs.

Scousers are the nicest people you’ll ever meet

For a people who’s city is overrun year on year by students from all over the UK, Scousers have an unrivalled patience for us.  Whether they’re boogieing with you on a Saturday night or sat next to you on the 86 you’ll never meet anyone quite like the Scouse.

You’ll meet every z-list celebrity in Level…and pay extortionate money for a photo with them

“Omg it’s Spencer from Made in Chelsea…we have to go!” Fuck sake Holly, you’re paying my entry fee this time.

Saturday is locals night out, and you have to dress to impress

Ladies get your rollers in, your glad rags on and your proscecco chilling.

You’ll get merchandise at Freshers Fair from clubs you will never go to

They make excellent pyjamas, if nothing else.

The 699 is the best part of every night

The rush to get the 11:30 bus is iconic to say the least. If you make it onto the bus, the journey is so much fun. Chants about Greenbank, huge drinking games and singing songs at the top of your lungs are all features of every 699 bus trip. You’ll never get a taxi again.

There is no shame in a trip to the clinic

For the single pringles amongst you, freshers is all about fully getting to grips with your sexuality. Regular trips to get tested for STI’s won’t be a taboo as it was in secondary school. Your flatmates will actively do a squad trip to the walk-in centre every month or so.

As cheap as the drinks are, you will still burn through your loan.

Hello overdraft, your new best friend. Budgeting is for second years.

You’ll buy tickets to events that you’ll never go to

Icebreaker? Carnage? Smurfest? Face it, you’re not going to go.

You’ll latch on to people at the start of freshers week that you never speak to again

“Omg Chelsea I think we’re gonna be best friends!!! Shall we live together next year?!!??!” You scream at the girl who lives on the floor below you while you’re bonding over a love for cheap wine.  You won’t speak for the entirety of the next year, and you’ll wince a bit when you walk past them in South Campus Teaching Hub.

You’ll play every single drinking game imaginable 

And you’ll very quickly learn the sexual exploits of every single person in your block.  It’s not big and it’s not clever.

Krunchy Fried Chicken is a must after a night out

It really is the stuff of dreams.  AND there’s a taxi rank outside.  Number 3 chicken strips and chips to go please Yosef.

Red salt is everything you never knew you needed

Even if you don’t frequent Krunchy Fried, every takeaway serves this delicacy.  What is it?  Nobody knows but everybody loves it.

The best decoration in your halls will be the tally charts

There will be a big list of who spewed, who pulled and who just made a general fool of themselves.  You will definitely forget to hide it before your parents visit.

You try (and fail) to lose the weird guy in your halls in Level

Just when you think you’ve “lost” them and decide to have a lovely calming cigarette in the smoking area, BAM…they are sat right next to you asking for some baccy. Would you kindly go back to that insignificant hole where you came from please?

You should never sleep with your flatmate

They live next to you. You’re drunk. They’re drunk. They’re a solid 6/10. You’ve kind of wanted to at least kiss them for a while. You tell yourself it won’t be awkward in the morning.

It is.

Guild burritos will change your life

The blend of the perfectly floured tortilla, the tender chicken and beef and the squeezey sour cream make burritos the single best lunch on campus.  Undisputedly.

The loos in the south campus teaching hub are the best on campus

You will literally travel to go to them. Always clean, never any queues. Simply fabulous. THEY HAVE LOO ROLL ALL THE TIME. Cannot go wrong.

Rivalled closely by the Central Teaching Hub ones

Dyson handryers say whaaaaaat?

Pizza vouchers from Freshers Fair will litter your room all year

But they’ll come in so handy on a Sunday when you’ve been absolutely hanging all day.

The biggest lesson of all – Liverpool is the best place to be a fresher

It’s true and you know it.