If you hate going out, you need better friends

The best memories don’t happen sober

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Honestly, is there anything worse than people who say they hate nights out?

They’re the type to ask questions in your seminars, their Instagram bio’s describe themselves as “edgy” and it’s guaranteed that they spent their gap year on a journey of self-discovery in the South of France. Listen, where are your friends?

You all claim you’re here for the uni “experience”. And yet somehow think it’s acceptable to stay in every night and watch Breaking Bad on Netflix, or worse, catch up on wider reading. It’s time to get a grip and remember what uni is all about.

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Your twenties are your selfish years. It’s now, more than ever, when you should embrace clubbing. When you’re 32 with a mortgage and three kids, £2.50 vodka mixers will be a fond, but distant memory. It’ll no longer be acceptable to wake up on your mates sofa at 3 in the afternoon, still drunk from the night before.

Going out, making questionable life decisions and crying into your chicken nuggets at 4am is what being young is all about. Care free with no responsibilities. And if you’re already drunk at pre drinks, you’re doing it right.

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The funniest part of going out is the debrief the morning after. While you’re trying to find your missing shoe and clear your call (and FaceTime) history in shame, the group chat is piecing together what actually happened last night.

No one knows who ‘red top’ or ‘good kisser Ryan’ are, so it’s a mystery why they’re now saved in your phonebook. And as pictures of you behind a takeaway counter start to surface, it becomes clear you must have left your dignity somewhere in the club, along with your brand new MAC lipliner. Why have you ‘poked’ your mum on Facebook? Did you actually start a fight with the bouncer? And wait… has anyone heard from Charlotte?

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I woke up like this… flawless

A night out provides the best memories with your friends. Memories that just don’t happen sober, and ones you’ll be laughing about for years to come. Whether it’s that time you fell off the bar and ended up in A&E, the time you told your taxi driver you were going to sue him for false imprisonment, or when you got kicked out of the club for trying to pole dance on a bouncer.

And if you’re still claiming you hate nights out, maybe you need to re-evaluate who you’re going on them with. Because your friends might not be up to scratch.

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So please, next weekend pour yourself and your new friends a double, bring your sass and leave your class at home.