How to do St. Patrick’s Day in Liverpool properly, by an Irish Student

Liverpool has one of the strongest Irish heritages of any UK city, so it’s no surprise it has some of the biggest St Patrick’s Day celebrations outside Ireland. Read on for insider knowledge about how to have the most authentic March 17th, from what to drink to where to lay your clover-covered head.

Choose your drink wisely

If you want to do this day right there’s no fuckin’ about with the soft stuff, it’s go hard or go home.  Choose only from this healthy variety – whiskey (has to be Irish, none of that Scotch shite), Guinness (obvs), or a good ol’ 2 lit of Strongbow or Frosty Jacks. If you want to go all out try our beloved Buckfast, the drink of champions (purchasable from Bargain Booze)

Steal some head gear and face paint

Paddy’s day is the only day you can get away with wearing a stupid hat without looking like a dickhead. Get a felt green top hat with a ginger beard attached, put it lopsided on your head and try not to have it stolen by someone outside Pogue’s. Down a pint and paint a tri-colour on your cheek, it’ll probably look shit but who cares –  it’s fucking Paddy’s day, and you tried.

Select your watering hole

Liverpool has its fair share of Irish pubs which are certain to be full of plastic Paddies on this glorious day. Pogues is a personal favourite. McCooley’s is good craic too, and in the heart of concert square no one will care about your shitty Irish dancing as C’est la Vie plays on loop.

To top off the look, tie a tricolour around your neck to show that you’re a Brit embracing Irish patriotism (even though you stole 6 counties from us).

What to avoid

Any clubs with a snakey photographer trying to capture your gurns and lazy eyes. Paddy’s is all about embracing your messiness, so get a GAA jersey on and don’t wear eye makeup if you want to avoid looking like a sewer rat when you eventually end up bawling in a corner over how much you wish you were Irish.

Try not to get in a brawl

We all love a good argument after a few whiskeys, but when it becomes a struggle even to reach your glass to your mouth without spilling drink all over yourself it’s probably best avoid conflict. If you fail this step however, just make sure you do it right and get the police involved so you can shout abuse at them on their weird horses.

Make sure you have an appropriate place to eat and pass out at the end of the day

This is probably the most important step if you don’t want to stare death in the face in the early hours of the morning. Get somewhere to eat and lay your head, preferably with a sick bucket at hand. Unfortunately, Maccie’s and Krunchy Fried Chicken won’t provide such hospitality, but Khan’s on Smithdown might.