Smithdown Safari: a guide to the students of Wavertree

We take you into the wilderness…

life liverpool smithdown students tribes UoL waverer

Deep in the heart of Liverpool lies the Smithdown wasteland, home to strange creatures – the ‘loanus maximus’, commonly known as ‘students’.  We take you on an exploration of the exquisite wildlife on offer in this unique environment…

The Urban Outfitters Squad

Shrouded in an intricate camouflage of club master sunnies, Stan Smiths and a vintage Levis denim jacket, the urban outfitter-rer dominates the Smithdown landscape. With not so much effortless perfection as meticulous scruffiness, this pack’s primal instinct is urban chic. These creatures are rife in the Smithdown area, day or night, so you’ll be sure to spot one.

The Gym Rats

The gym rats are a highly active species which thrive on the attention of others. Easily identified by their in-hand protein shakes, oversized gym bags and superiority complex, the gym go-ers are most happy when flexing in front of a mirror or talking about ‘gains’. Evidence gathered from Smithdown seems to show that this tribe have taken to wearing nothing but workout gear at all times in a sign of utmost respect for their shrine – the gym.

 

The Last Night’s Banter Brigade

The brigade are a somewhat dense group of predominantly male individuals, often termed ‘lads’, who frequent bus stops the morning after a social engagement to share glories of battle –  or more precisely the glories of last night’s alcohol fuelled shambles. Pasty, dehydrated yet still smug, these creatures, to an outsider have no discernible talents and yet always seem proud of their nocturnal achievements. Analysis shows the brigade are a source of great annoyance to the other species within the Smithdown eco-system.

 

The Weekly Shopping Pilgrims

There are two types of pilgrim found in the Smithdown area. The first is more equipped for the struggles of Smithdown life and uses a bike to get their weekly shop back home.

The second is less fortunate, forced to embrace a defining characteristic of many a wild student: the seductive waddle. The waddle, the tragic result of a pilgrim carting their body weight in Aldi essentials pasta and bran flakes in their bag for life up Smithdown perhaps illustrates the desperation of the student kind of Smithdown in a way nothing else quite manages.

 

The walk of shame-er

Shy and desperate to go unnoticed, the shameful shuffler is found roaming the Smithdown strip at all hours, though particularly the morning after a rough one. Clad in a skin tight leather skirt and crop top combo from the night before, this species doesn’t appreciate the harsh realities of broad daylight nor the effects of cheap rosé and £1 shots the next day. Typical characteristics include marching home, head down and body language that screams regret.

 

The Bus (Un)enthusiast

Most probably hungover and desperate for the loo, the bus enthusiast is frequently seen looking longingly down the Smithdown horizon for the procession of 699, 86, 86A and 60 buses expected to arrive sometime in the next millennium.

As time drags by this species loses all hope and any feeling they once had in their fingertips to the dreaded bus wait. Once eager to see their bus arrive, time has altered them; an ‘unenthusiastic’ now, they resent all buses, on time or otherwise.

 

And Finally — Real Locals

Seemingly trying to function normally in amongst the student invasion, patiently waiting for the summer when we all sod off.