From Smithdown to the Sherrington: the nine stages of a dreaded 9am

Most students struggle with at least one weekly 9am lecture, but now we’re half way through the semester you know you can’t miss any more for fear of that dreaded attendance e-mail. It’s time for desperate measures. It’s time to attend your 9am.

From your bedroom on Borrowdale to your lecture in the CTH – this is how you do it.

10pm: The Night Before

Ready to wake up bright and early

Set an alarm the night before to give you plenty of time to shower, have breakfast, and possibly even get some reading in (optimistic) before you leave. Have an early night, just to make sure you get enough sleep.

7:00am

No, thank you

Ignore alarm. Eventually, after its been going off for 5 minutes and woken up the rest of your flat,  force yourself awake enough to turn the alarm off. Let your eyes rest for a little while, but promise yourself it’ll only be 5 minutes.

7:52am

Fuck

Wake up suddenly an hour later and realise you have less than 30 minutes to get to the bus stop.  Shit.

8:02am

Why am I like this?

Spend 10 minutes lying in the warmth of your bed, contemplating your own existence. Berate yourself for letting yourself sleep in for so long, AGAIN. Eventually, after a long while of deep, introspective thought, drag yourself out of bed and start to get ready.

8:15am

My hair isn’t grey, right?

Frantically dry shampoo your head to account for your lack of shower time. Give up and scrape back into a messy bun that makes you look less like an Instagram goddess and more like Mrs Trunchbull.

8:20am

The illusion of altheticism

Forgo the outfit you’d picked out the night before in favour of going in the gym leggings and oversized jumper you slept in. Pair this look with running shoes to give the illusion that you’re going to the gym later, even though you know you’ll be back straight after uni for a nap.

8:23am

I am Kate Moss

You don’t have time to put a full face of makeup. Scrape off the mascara you wore to Juicy with a makeup wipe and reapply, or if this seems too much effort, leave it as it is and go for a grunge look. Don’t bother with concealing those dark circles, heroin chic is in again, and it will prove to everyone else on your course what a wild night you had last night.

8:40am

Get me back into bed

Throw everything you’ll need into your bag and rush out the door without having breakfast. Arrive to the bus stop late only to watch 2 full 699s drive straight past you. Get on the next 86 and frantically stare at your watch as the bus waits in traffic, calculating how long it’ll take you to get from the bus stop to the Sherrington Building. Accept that your going to be late and stop by at Starbucks on your way to make up for not having breakfast.

9:10am

Hell

Turn up 10 minutes late and hurriedly make your way to the back of the room with your head facing down. Ignore the death glare your lecturwe is sending your way for turning up late. At least you made it, right?