How to spot the difference between a SJ and a HC student

“Did I tell you I study medicine?”

It’s the rivalry to end all rivalries. It divides the whole of Liverpool, pitting Humanities and Sciences against each other in war fought viciously across two sides of campus.

But how do you spot which library each student uses so you don’t have to make your own stereotypical judgements, or find yourself on enemy ground?

Sydney Jones

You will never find an SJ student in the library before 11am. They get any bus that arrives at the stop; they don’t need the 699 to North Campus, so the 86A or the 75 or even the 80 will do just fine.

They stroll into the library in a relaxed state squinting cautiously at the bright lights – they are of course hungover from their sick night at the Baltic Triangle and it’s way too bright in the morning. The SJ student only has around 6-12 hours contact time a week so it is rare they are not tucked up in bed in the darkness watching Netflix, so much so that their eyes can no longer function properly under such gleaming lights.

After 10 minutes of researching the Battle of Waterloo on Wikipedia, the SJ student will take a cigarette break outside with their fellow trendy friends.

Brutal, but not basic x

Moaning about how their 2,000 word assignment is due in two days, they decide to extend their break to collect a Tesco meal deal. On the way they discuss their hangovers and it shall be noted that one’s shoe is still covered in Raz juice from the night before.

SJ students are the epitome of indie. You don’t know what to wear to the next 90s house night? Ask an SJ student, they can probably supply you with a plethora of multiple different colourful bomber jackets. If your SJ friend doesn’t have a man bun, then they almost definitely have a septum piercing. Their fashion sense will mostly consist of exotic attire from their gap yah, adidas clothing with in-your-face logos, and band t-shirts from artists so obscure you definitely haven’t heard of them.

I have no time for the study of politics, I already know capitalism is evil

The worst part of an SJ student’s year is finding out they have a lecture somewhere on the mysterious North campus. No SJ student should be expected to know where the Life Sciences or Duncan buildings are. Near the hospital you say? They’ve only ever been there once and that’s because they were taken to A&E for taking coke with MD (MAD laughs), and how can anyone expect them to remember that?

Harold Cohen

The HC’s student life is a world away from the SJ students. They actually have contact hours every day and real job prospects. Harold Cohen students have been up since 7.30am and are alert, not hungover, and ready for their 9-5, always making the 8.30am 699. They take a healthy salad to uni, no time for that processed meat in Tesco meal deal sandwiches. In the rare moment this student has free time, it will be spent at the library. Hence why the HC is busier on weekends than the SJ.

In the HC it is much more acceptable to fall asleep, as all acknowledge the struggles of their chosen courses. The likelihood of being photographed asleep in the HC is therefore much lower than in the SJ.

Harold Cohen students lives are so well together they have time for their important rugby training at the weekend, where they talk about all the lad-ish antics they’ve been up to recently, such as charming that girl in Brooklyn Mixer to sleep with them using their “hey gurl, I’m a medic” line.

They tend to dress well and formally, they can wear smart shirts and woolen trousers and never fear for sweat patches because they made plenty of time to walk to their lecture in the Sherrington building. If they were feeling lazy one day then they’d throw on a Vet or Medic hoodie instead, just incase everyone forgets how intellectual their degree is. Many of them wear glasses, because they would rather look more intellectual than inconvenience themselves with contact lenses. Cardigans and brogues are the way to fit in on this side of campus.

Well behaved and stoic

They take this knowledge and use it to belittle the poor, disadvantaged, inferior SJ student. “Is criminology even a real degree?”, “So you study history, does that mean you want to be a teacher?”, “Did you know your fees basically pay for our degrees?”.

Overall, the two types of student tend not to associate with each other, and only meet at the couple of crossings on campus where they can still be differentiated by their style of road crossing. The SJ student is likely to run into you as they rush to the lecture they’re ten minutes late for, and they’re probably looking at their phone and listening to Jackmaster or Skepta. The HC student is much more composed and walks considerately, having almost reached adulthood and always checking both sides of the road before crossing.