Only the most interesting people have the box room
Hey look, it’s the cool girl with the tiny bedroom
You’ve pulled names out of a hat, picked straws or just had a mad dash around the house to sort out who gets what room. Your fingers are crossed: “Don’t let me get the box room, don’t let me get the box room,” you say.
Obviously, you end up committing to pay £85 a week for the box room you never wanted, because that’s just your luck. People look at you sympathetically when you tell them about your single bed and clothes rail. You constantly bang your head on that too-close bedside table and you’ve gotten used to doing almost anything while still lying down.
However, all is not as it seems: only the biggest legends of the house have the box room. What you lack in space you make up for in wit, intelligence and an all around thrilling personality.
What does a classic day in the life of a box room dweller involve? Obviously rolling out of bed, changing into a get-up of mainly vintage Adidas and arriving fashionably early for a 9am seminar to discuss the effect the bourgeois media has on our day-to-day lives, or if philosophically speaking we are all pawns of the government? Sick. Now that’s over with it’s back to the box room to prepare for a day of rubbing shoulders with only the coolest people on campus.
You’ve got your pick of whose abode to spend your time at, as no one ever expects to come to yours. Or you compromise and head straight for a pub between your houses. Either way – you’re making friends all over. You get the Red Stripes in and you’re introduced as “Yeah – the one with the tiny bedroom! You should see it!” Cheers for that mate, I’ll have that can back.
When it comes to pre-drinks you’re found in an organised chaos of clothes, half undone rollies and miscellaneous junk that doesn’t fit anywhere. “You okay hun?” your pal asks as you clamber over four shoe boxes, five mugs and a file of notes from first year. “Yeah, sound, where’s the drinks?”. Unfazed, this is your habitat now.
Coming home drunk isn’t too hard a task either. Waltz through the door and in one fell swoop you’re in bed. No wasting time walking around your room – you are the only winner. That is, of course, apart from all of your housemates. They come home to spacious double beds, wardrobes that have actual doors and aren’t just a clothes rail. You’re Harry Potter, they’re the Dursleys.
Except your cupboard under the stairs is an eight by three with a mandala tapestry and you’ve grown to love it. Yes, it gets messy quickly and sometimes you can’t remember what your carpet looks like. Yes, you’ve accepted that you will constantly feel sorry for yourself when you remember how spacious all of your friends rooms are.
But, when all is said and done, the coolest people have the box room – so you wouldn’t give up yours for anything.