Everything you’ll know if you wear glasses on a night out

From steaming up as you walk through the doors to getting them taken from your face


It’s pretty hard to understand the daily lives of people who wear glasses.

The best example of this is the typical “how many fingers am I holding up?” But the experience that glasses wearers go through is the hell of a night out, something which people with 20/20 vision will just never understand. Be prepared, it’s traumatic.

People beg to sample your specs

So you’re either hosting pre-drinks or you’ve embarked on the journey to a mates halls with your alcohol onboard. When you arrive, there’s loads of people you don’t know but you’re sociable and half-cut, so lets get chatting.

The conversation usually gets to “wow I love your glasses” or “have you always worn glasses?” Which then proceeds to “can I try your glasses on?”

IMG_1492

How long will they stay on my face this time?

This is when you give these people the benefit of the doubt. You’re critically blind and your glasses are being passed around person to person with them telling you just how blind you are. No shit sherlock. Not going to lie, I don’t want my glasses to continue to be pulled off my face by randomers, queue downing of the drink in hand to try to make pre drinks go faster. It will end soon, fear not.

Steaming up is unavoidable

Any glasses wearer will know this major struggle. It isn’t for the faint hearted. You’re in the queue, it’s -5 degrees outside, you know what’s coming. As you walk through the club doors and hit the wall of heat, your specs are taken over by the steam. How the hell am you meant to look 10/10 when you can’t even see what’s in front of you? Immediately go from nailing the look you wanted when you go through the club doors to a solid 3/10 due to the steam. Such a let down.

IMG_1304

Before it all went blurry

Basically, you look like you’ve just come out of a boiling hot sauna and can’t see anything. People pointing and laughing, “you need windscreen wipers” and frantically trying to clean them as you push your way to the bar. Multiple cleaning attempts later, you can finally see again. You’ve returned to the land of sight. And boy do you need a drink.

Dancing can be problematic

Like any activity which forces you to seriously body pop about the place, skanking to Queen B is a real life problem. Your glasses will shake and probably fall off, but I mean isn’t it worth it to show off those serious moves you’ve got under your belt? However repeatedly sliding your glasses back onto your face when they’ve slid half way down your face because of your killer dance moves really isn’t fun.

Probable outcomes include: loss of glasses, smudged glasses, short-term blindness and glasses sliding off your face. Happy dancing!

Losing them and blindly trying to find them

The struggle when you’re dancing, having an absolutely class time and then someone removes your glasses from your face. You can’t see anything, you don’t know where the tosser has gone with your specs because you can’t see past your hand in front of you, and to top it all off you can’t even see your mates. It’s not big, it’s not clever. It certainly won’t make me want to talk to you. DO NOT STEAL GLASSES ON A NIGHT OUT! Please bring them back or I’m going to have a breakdown in the middle of Single Ladies. Don’t test me.

Alternative situation: your favourite tune comes on floor one of Level. You and your mates start bopping about the place when out of absolutely bloody nowhere some geezer the size of a giant whacks you in the face. Rage surges through your body but before you get chance to unleash your inner demon, you realise.. where are my glasses? Shit. Shit shit shit. Now you’re on the floor scavenging for your precious babies, all your mates helping. Everyone around you is looking at you like you’re some hobo searching for scraps of food on the floor. Don’t care. Luckily you drunkenly manage to find your glasses in tact. Panic averted.

IMG_1294

“You’ve got really bad eyes”

The next morning

Non-glasses wearers usually wake up and they instantly can judge how bad the hangover is. Glasses-wearers however have a hidden luxury. You can lay in bed blind and not know how you feel until those vital moments when your glasses are put on your face.

If you feel the hangover has hit you hard, you have the luxury of choosing not to put them on – eliminating the reality of 10 vodka mixers the night before. Simply curl up in bed all day and don’t bother with your specs. Who needs to see the real world anyway?

Photo credit: Krazyhouse