Nobody wants a half-boyfriend on Valentine’s Day

What even are we?

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Half-Boyfriend, noun. /hɑːf ˈbɔɪ.frend/.  1-3 months of doing the dirty. You might have met his friends… but still no label.

Valentine’s Day is looming. Both you and the half boyfriend are aware of this but no one breaches the subject. You both know it’s coming, sitting there, waiting to ruin your “we’re just casual sex buddies” vibes but neither of you will ever say anything. Of course you won’t. It’s too embarrassing. You’re seeing this boy on drunken nights of lust and now the commercial powers that be are insisting that you declare your undying love to him.

Fry me up sexy

So what the hell are you meant to do? You’re debating whether you should bring up the big V-day or not. It’s commercial, tacky and you haven’t received anything since primary school. You’re at the ‘I like you stage’ but its way too soon for the ‘L’ word to describe this casual weekday (or sometimes Friday evening) rendezvous.

Why must it be so painfully awkward to ask WHAT ARE WE? The Valentine’s air should make it easier right? Wrong. Valentine’s won’t move things along a bit. You can’t just ride this big boi out. Meandering around the subject is never going to happen.

Should you just stop seeing each other if you aren’t celebrating the V-day? Or just go on a temporary hiatus around the big day? There’s just so many questions.  IT JUST FUCKS EVERYTHING UP.

Even when you’re shopping for milk, it’s unavoidable. You cannot escape love or the colour red

It’s hard to escape ‘love’ (or the blood red, hellish marketing)  during this season. Everyone wants a boyfriend in the winter – that’s all they’re good for. But half-boyfriends don’t even know they’re half boyfriends. Do they even know the day of the week?

Maybe you could invite him for Netflix and Chill? That could be an option. Casual film, casual sex:  you’ve done that before, though you’ve never actually finished an entire film together 😉 . What is this ludicrous generation where watching a TV series is too much commitment?  What if he thinks you’re desperate for a boyfriend? What if you are…?

Great. He’s stopped texting you now anyway. Now you don’t even have a half boyfriend to pretend to celebrate with. He’s figured it out. He knows that the 14th February is swiftly approaching. You’ve been dumped by your half-boyfriend.

No friday sex for you girlfriend

So now you’re a single pringle. And there are couples, couples everywhere, like fucking confetti. With or without the half-boyfriend dilemma, you can’t ignore Valentines Day when there are couples filling your Instagram feed with pictures of giant bears and heart shaped date food . Literally everywhere. It’s even harder when you don’t even know if you have a half-boyfriend. The whole situation is just so cringe.

You Vs. Couples

Whether or not you are in the limbo stages of love or you’re single,  the answer to your woes is to go out and paint the town (non-Valentine’s related) red. Make Valentine’s about you. Why should society deem being single as a bad thing? Anyway, the perks of having a half-boyfriend is that you can have more than one.