Why Smithdown is the greatest shithole on earth
We all know Smithdown is the place to be for a student in Liverpool.
Ignore all the basic bitches that proclaim “Kenny is better than Smithdown” or those poshos that can afford to live in town and go on about “oh it’s wonderfully convenient being in the centre of everything.”
Bless them, they just don’t understand – do they? We’ve come up with the definitive list to why Smithdown is just absolutely fabulous:
- The convenience of Aldi AND Asda being in one place – we’re poor students, we need all the bargains available.
- All the greatest takeaways on one road – where else would you get both Chesters and Dixy Chicken within a minute of each other?
- Speaking of Dixy Chicken, we bloody love Dixy Chicken.
- The legendary Brookhouse, everyones fave pub. £1.25 pints on a Thursday? Yes please.
- Britain’s best breakfast at the Tavern, the perfect hangover cure.
- Shoutout to Cristoph from the Deli, big up.
- It’s just so cheap to rent a house. Yeah it may have structural issues and exploding microwaves, but at least you can afford to go out all the time.
- It’s never short of drama, there’s always a creep pretending to be a letting agent, or some crazy walking about.
- All your friends live within a short walk of each other. So, when there’s drama going about some stupid bitch not doing her fecking dishes, wander down to Gresford and chill with your course-mates instead.
- The constant ring of sirens becoming as normal as the hum of your fridge.
- Pre’s are always a 30-40 person affair.
- Sitting at your window in the morning and watching all the one night stands walk home. Where else would you see a half-arsed attempt at a zombie leaving a mermaid’s house the day after Halloween?
- All the crime is actually quite exciting: “Am I going to get mugged on my way back from a night out or not? It’s just the unknown, I love it.”
- Speaking of kitchen appliances, they’ll always be one just thrown in front of house on your street.
- There’s always a cute little rodent scurrying around.
- The gorgeous scent of weed that ferments across the whole of L17.
- The gloriously beautiful Sefton Park.
- Bonfire night at Sefton is the best of the best.
- You’re never short of a Bargain Booze or off-licence.
- …Or a dealer.
- The newsagent always sells dodgy cheap fags.
- House parties. There’s always a party going on at Langdale. Literally wonder down the street any point in an evening, and you’ll be able to find a partay with especially ketty vibes.
- The questionable shops that look like a front for drug cartels.
- The Aquarium. Seriously, who even goes in? However, you love walking past and having a little nosey. But don’t look for too long, you may be asked to come inside and who knows what will happen to you.
- Shout out to Mini Amsterdam for selling all the paraphernalia you didn’t know you needed.
- But what is that dolls house shop on the corner?
- Don’t even get us started on that strange costume shop on the corner of Gresford! Wonderfully spooky.
- The mysterious ice cream van that drives around at the most peculiar hours. I wonder what it sells?
- Sacrifising a night out to afford the gorgeous cheesecakes in the Cheesecake Factory. Oh, but it’s so worth it. And let’s be honest, you still end up going out anyway.
- Lark Lane. Oh it’s so gorgeous. And perfect for impressing a first date, or your parents who think Liverpool is grey and disgusting. It’s so pretty.
- That cemetery is spooky to be honest, but that house on the edge of it hosts some boss parties.
- Everyone lives there so you can always find someone to share a taxi with.
Smithdown may be a shithole. But as cringey as this sounds, it’s our shithole.