How to be the freshest fresher in Merseyside

Be eager, but not too eager

So, fresher’s week is done and dusted and where has it gotten you? First place on your flat’s chunder chart, a complete loss of pride, freshers’ flu, and a definite decrease in any alcohol tolerance you once possessed.

But when you get over the initial awe of Concert Square, the disbelief of late-night Subways and the reality of 9am lectures – it strikes hard. Is this a two day long hangover? Have mercy. First years are at the bottom of the food chain but here’s how to be the dopest fresher in the pool of life.

Bag braggin’ 

The bag you bring to lectures says a lot about you as a person. If you can fit all your necessary stationary and laptop into that cute little River Island clutch bag that matches your outfit flawlessly – great. You don’t even look like you’re trying too hard. If not, purchase an extremely overpriced indie-chic satchel from Bold Street which says, “studious, but swag.” And for heaven’s sake do not bring a back pack that is both practical and comfortable. What were you thinking, rookie.

backpack fresher

Sick garms

Buy something from Adidas, Fila, or Ellesse. No, not Nike. How mainstream can you get? You will appear to be super edgy and street to your peers, especially when you pair it with your brand-spanking-new Paul’s Boutique Handbag. Adidas seems to be the rage though, so best to play it safe and leave behind all originality behind. You’ll fit in cruisin’ round Abercromby square in any of the attire mentioned above.


Dope decorum

Behavior in lectures and seminars is key to how your peers perceive you. Have enough background knowledge on the topic currently being discussed so you don’t seem stupid when the professor picks on you and asks you a question. However, under no circumstances are you to voluntarily offer up an opinion or answer of your own – you don’t want to appear to be trying too hard (or at all) or seem like a knowitall. Jeez.

lecture theatre

Just stop

Nobody cares about your leavers hoodie. No one. Leave it at home. Or better yet, burn it.

You can't wear one of these. It's social suicide...

You can’t wear one of these. It’s social suicide

Starbucks stunnah xo

Always have a hot drink in hand, preferably a Starbucks, or a cute little flask that you bought especially for uni. If in doubt, there are plenty of Costas round the Liverpool campus. If the SJ is your local haunt, you’re probably all too familiar with the Starbucks there. You’ll need the warmth when Merseyside is colder than your mum’s expression after you didn’t get into Oxbridge. Hot bevvys suggest that you are a busy and sophisticated individual, drinking coffee on the go because you were up all night working hard on that essay which doesn’t go towards your degree.


Dictaphone douchebags

Bringing a dictaphone to uni and recording your lectures is a great idea. Everyone will make fun of you for it, but pay no attention. They’re all secretly jel that they didn’t have the initiative to buy one and they’re compensating by bullying you for it instead. Ignore them, it will pass.

lecture featured

‘Have I told you about that time I went travelling?’

Yes. Yes you have, about five times. Please can you recount once more about how you found your inner spiritual self whilst back packing through Indonesia and show me all your Buddha statues again? Pleeeeease. Use your travels as a conversation starter with your new lecture buddies outside the exotic Rendall Building. Apparently taking a gap year and travelling or going inter-railing over the summer makes you more wise and interesting (and not at all pretentious) as you now have a broader knowledge of the world. Not at all an excuse to blaze it up for a week in Amsterdam. Leave the travel stories for your blog love, we’re in Liverpool now.

vibes oh so very thailand wow gap year edgy patterns

Get a lush laptop

Even if you don’t need it, take your Apple MacBook Air everywhere you go. They let people in lectures know that you’re super serious about your degree and that you’re not messing around. Even though we can all see you’re watching Netflix.


If you can do a number of these things at once like wearing your Adidas jacket that matches your clutch bag and drinking a non-fat-soy-vanilla-latte-mocha in one hand and typing on your Apple MacBook with the other, you have your life completely together. So there you have it, you’re welcome.