These are the only ways you should revise for your exams

Exams are stressful for everyone. But, let’s be honest, you’ve been to very few lectures – let alone seminars – so you’re screwed.

You’ll need to be clued up with some clever tips to prevent you becoming an unsociable, dirty, unhealthy person over the final week of exams. Luckily for you, there are some extensive revision sessions you can slot into your hectic daily routine.

In the shower

Washing your worries away xo

You can’t afford to lose valuable thinking time. Totally legit studies show the 20 minutes you spend bathing yourself is when your brain is most active, so why not take this opportunity to bathe and learn the politics of the EU at the same time? Cleanse your brain of useless information people.

On the toilet

Waiting for the drop

Emptying your bowels is just as important as emptying your mind of irrelevant info. The focus needed while on the toilet will help you become a more relaxed person, who can just let go and drop your insecurities regarding your upcoming examinations.

At pres

Drinking your stresses away

We know FOMO* is a big worry for a lot of us, but filling in a few word searches, reading a chapter of your textbook or simply discussing the portrayal of Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights at pre-drinks, will make you feel less guilty about your “accidental” night out.

*Fear of Missing Out, for you oldies

In da clurb

“Adam pls”

We know how you feel. When everyone has finished your exams and they’re out celebrating, it can be very difficult to pull through and stay inside and revise.

So just go out anyway. Let’s be honest, some clubs are incredibly mediocre, and during the third or fourth time Anaconda is playing, and your friends are *still* twerking, get out your textbook, sit down, and make some notes. You may as well. It’s only Nicki Minaj.

During the fire alarm

Classic SJ

This blaring noise normally signals one thing: revision break. Well, you’ve probably been binge-watching Netflix in your pyjamas so take this time out, in the fresh air, to discuss with your friends topics such as Shakespeare’s portrayal of Hamlet, or how to deliver a baby cow.

You will not regret this stimulating conversation and who knows, a different approach to revision than staring aimlessly at your shitty lecture notes may actually help.

At the cathedral

What even is constructivism?

With God on your side, what can go wrong? Even if said religion doesn’t agree with your way of life, that’s fine: a little prayer in the famous Metropolitan Cathedral can do you no harm. It’s a peaceful place to revise with some very soothing music often playing in the background.

On your wardrobe

An actual revision technique from a certain editor of the Liverpool Tab

If you find it difficult to go through all of your lecture notes, start afresh and write down a timeline on your wardrobe. Who cares about not getting your deposit back from halls? It’ll be a great visual aid. It’ll probably bring a bit of life to the room anyway.

After sex

‘No darling, for a change, I’m not texting my ex. Honestly’

Revision is sometimes very stressful and you do need a bit of a release, or a break. That’s okay. Just remember to not disturb your partner while they sleep as you are going over your notes about the causes of the American Revolution right by their side.

During sleep

‘Angela Merkel is a lot sexier closer up’

Finally, we know what we love – sleep is everything. Life revolves around sleep. You miss your lectures, seminars, tutorials but never nights out because of its importance. That’s why this period needs to be taken advantage of if you are to achieve the magic 40 per cent.

Turn the lights down low, put on some chilled house mix in the background and read and read and read and read until it just goes in. Trust us, it’s the only way.