All hail the library tweeter: A collection of @LivUniLibrary’s best tweets

Who is this phantom comedian?

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Everyone follows them: freshers, post grads, the janitor of the Life Sciences building, and even your own mom at home in Derby.

The @LivUniLibrary Twitter account is world famous, or at least Liverpool famous, for its wit about librarian life and scathing attacks on the villains of the HC and SJ.

This year, the infamous Twitter account has seen #selfwich, pen flogging, and fears of students’ complete inability to use the electronic gates. Here is a round up of the best @LivUniLibrary tweets, as well as some breaking news on the identity of the mysterious tweeter.

#shelfwich

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The tweet as famous as Kim K’s sex tape

As controversial as Miley Cyrus’ armpit hair, as shocking Justin Bieber’s hotness in the Calvin Klein ads, as famous as Kim K’s sex tape (almost) – #shelfwich was the tweet which took @LivUniLibrary from small time Twitter wannabes, to rulers of the Library Tweeting hierarchy.

Tweeted over 2,000 times, the audacity of a student to shove an empty Tesco sandwich package in the sex chromosome books section of the HC caused a huge outcry across the country. Later labelled #shelfwich, @LivUniLibrary never recovered from the horror of finding a third of a meal deal shoved into their hallowed shelves, and still tweets about flashbacks to this day. If you were interested, the offender enjoyed a chicken, bacon and lettuce sandwich that day – the littering bastard.

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Sass Queens

The bloody chairs

Seemingly the bane of the mysterious library tweeter’s life, but unnoticeable to naive, uneducated students, the passive aggressive fury towards those who mix different coloured spinny chairs together has been a frequent theme on the @LivUniAccount. Segregation apparently still exists in our world, only in the form of chair oppression. Cream chairs can’t be friends with purple chairs.

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Don’t be too anal

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Stressful in the library

So next time you’re in the SJ and you’re given a ticket for leaving your stuff alone, move some chairs around to get back at those library police. Revenge is sweet.

Stationary selling

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Ok we get the message thanks

Who knew the library sold stationary? Sticky-notes, pens, pens and more pens. And at bargain prices as well. You’ll never be able to use your pen running out as an excuse again. They’re constantly trying to sell their wares to the followers of their Twitter account – as if they don’t make enough money on the ridiculous book fines. Talk about cold tweeting.

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Bloody bargain that is

The library gates and ID cards

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DO YOU GET IT?

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Not creepy at all

More passive-agressive tweeting can be found on the topic of the notorious library gates. You’d think half the students at Uni Of had the IQ of a melon, with all the tweets trying to explain how to use the electronic gates guarding the entrance to the sacred book halls.

Scan your ID card, walk through when the gates open. Come on pals, it ain’t that hard. Unless you don’t have your ID. Or you aren’t meant to be there. But then, of all the places to break into, why the fuck did you choose the SJ? You loser.

Exams

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Good advice, thanks

The mystery library tweet has been hella active over the past few weeks, attempting to keep smiles on the faces of cute, panicky first years and hysterical, not-so-cute third years. They’ve given exams tips, cruelly mocked those who are desperate for seats, and held the golden ticket competition to keep all the students on the edge of sanity.

As much as we all hate the library police when we find a yellow ticket at our work station, we secretly love them as they shush the loud idiot chomping on cheese and onion crisps, chatting on the phone to his friend about his dodgy lump you-know-where.

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Thanks for the heads up, pal

But who is it?

We decided to investigate the identity of the mystery tweeter, and after spending a stressful few hours scouring the library for suspicious looking librarians, we were finally sent an email from “Zelda” (real name? Fake identity? Favourite computer game?) revealing the truth behind @LivUniLibrary.

Zelda told us the Twitter account was a representation of the “collective mind of the library”, and the select group of elite staff chose to “remain anonymous in order to maintain their creative integrity and freedom of expression”.

She added: “I’m only the library media spokesperson and wouldn’t want to take credit for all that happens on our Twitter feed. The social media group is a collaborative endeavour representing the collective mind of the library, and our Twitter account draws on the expertise and interests of a wide ranging group of library staff.

“We can generally be found in the libraries anonymously disguised as librarians. To reveal ourselves would be like seeing half of Hollywood before they’ve been photoshopped… we would hate to destroy the mystique.”

A bit pretentious Zelda… stop trying to make yourself into a “legend”. We were just asking.