Our taxi drivers are the best thing about Liverpool

It’s the worst kept secret that Scousers have the best wit in the country, and those 10 minute taxi journeys to and from town are always the most memorable part of the night.

Most students don’t really mingle with the locals, so it’s up to those taxi drivers to prove their jokes are the best.

Charlie Levy, a third-year John Moore’s student, shared just one of his many stories to the Tab: “It was around Valentine’s day, and noticing I was alone the taxi driver asked if I had a girlfriend.

“When I said no, he said he didn’t believe in giving gifts for Valentine’s Day, he always got his girlfriend a dildo, so if she didn’t like it she could go fuck herself.”

We’re suprised they didn’t take the piss out of his lid

Top Valentine’s gift

Tom, A University of Liverpool alumni and now local solicitor, had a few fond memories of his taxi journeys: “During our Freshers, a taxi driver saw a cat fight in the street and parked up so we could all watch it in the middle of Concert Square.

“It’s also rumoured Liverpool were helped along with winning the European Capital of Culture in 2008 by a taxi driver kidnapping one of the judges and taking them off on a city tour of their own.”

The bombed out church, famous taxi stop

When they’re not up to their antics, they’re telling students about them.

Harvey Jones, an Engineering student, told The Tab: “A taxi driver told me a student once ran out on a four quid taxi journey.

“So he caught up with him, lobbed him back in the taxi and drove him to the middle of Sefton park, leaving him to walk back on his own.”

Talking at a taxi rank and speaking to some drivers, they were more than happy to bitch and laugh about students, which quickly escalated to a competitive game of “I’ll tell you the worst thing about students…”

Joe, a 56-year-old taxi driver, said: “They do stupid things like give you fucking pennys and twos.”

Another driver, Brian, called students stupid, judging by the amount of times he’s been asked: “How do we get out?… Well, the same way you got in.”’

Ryan Coffey, an Economics third year, asid: “They always have great footie banter, apart from when you mention Gerrard’s slip. Yeah don’t do that.

“One guy had sick flashing disco lights in his cab that flashed to the music, it was so funky.”

Another student told us how their taxi driver helped them out one night: “I’d got into a fight in a takeaway and just as the police rocked up the taxi driver let us in and promised to be our getaway driver.

“He said he’d been watching all along and drove off while the other twats got caught.”

Some stupid and sweaty students

Between their bickering, every cabbie we spoke to confirmed our worst nightmares. They CAN actually hear everything we say, especially when we try and drunkenly whisper.

“The worst thing is mate, people always get in the back, and they always talk behind me back.

“They’re only sitting behind you, but they think there’s some invisible force field stopping the conversation getting to us,” one said.

A Delta driver said he was appalled at how girls acted when they went out: “If only their mum’s and dad’s could hear them. They even get undressed in full view.”

But they all agreed they liked and were thankful for students, while Joe said: “We try to chat and have a laugh with them because it makes our jobs easier.”

And with a combination of that attitude, along with their, sometimes, dark yet lovable sense of humour, it always makes for a good ride.