Wills ‘Sharpie’ Sharp: Get me out of this peasant asylum
Liverpool’s poshest fresher can’t hack it in Carnatic
Meet William Harry Charles Sharp. Fresh out of one of Bath’s most exclusive independent schools, this poor little fresher has been dumped in Carnatic… and he hates it.
Naturally, he’s just completed a standard Alpe d’Huez ski season and then went backpacking round South East Asia on his gap yah, and now he’s struggling to come to terms with the “peasant asylum” that is Carni.
He told The Tab: “When I first arrived here I assumed I was being filmed for some kind of pranking TV show. There’s just no way, I thought.
“Not me, in a place like this. I have tried, believe me, to accept this hell hole as my abode for the next year – but it’s just too much to bare.
“As I stroll round, all I can see is a council-estate-meets-Nazi-concentration-camp concoction.
“I never in my darkest hour thought I would even be within a 10 mile radius – never mind live – in a place like this.”
Will, often referred to as ‘Sharpie’ or ‘Mr Sharp’ (on request), has struggled with almost every aspect of Carnatic life.
From the “peasant wagon” of the 699 to the “prison standard” culinary services – hotel Le Rankin is worlds away from Will’s cushy lifestyle of Bath’s countryside.
Sharpie’s chums from back at home are extremely concerned for his mental and physical welfare at Carnatic.
Refusing to visit Wills in Liverpool at the risk of Ebola, they typically offer support for their fellow toff via iMessage.
Posh pal Spencer said: “When Will told us he was going to the University of Liverpool we were all immediately taken back.
“Why, just why? We maybe thought he had lost some unthinkably unfair bet or something.
“So his troubles have been no surprise to us. It’s a different world up there.
“We just hope that he makes it out alive.”
It’s not all bad for Master Will though, who’s learning to look on the bright side.
Wills continuned: “One day, hopefully, I will learn to tolerate this place. Some of the people have been acceptable, the Southern ones mostly.
“I see this experience as a personal challenge I must overcome.
“I think I will receive some splendid Karma from this.”
Only time will tell if Sharpie will indeed make it out of Carnatic alive, untarnished by the brutal brush of basic living conditions and North-South integration – and still his perfectly posh self.
You can do this Will.