Welcome, and… you’re fired: Liverpool grad not sweet enough for Lord Sugar

Robert Goodwin was axed for being ‘a bottler’

| UPDATED LUDS Sam Butler The Apprentice

He was the bookies’ favourite, at odds of 6/1, to be named Lord Sugar’s next apprentice.

But just over 24 hours and 43 minutes into the series, Robert Goodwin became the second ‘casualty of the boardroom’, summarily fired for being “a bottler” without so much as a chance to explain himself.

If you missed him (which is more than likely) this video paints a fairly accurate portrait of the man:

It was one of the more brutal dismissals, and so quick was his demise that The Tab’s Features editor didn’t even have time to write up his preview, having foolishly reckoned he’d last at least until next week. So instead, here’s his obituary.

Though a Liverpool graduate, few remain who remember Robert. Even fewer remember what his degree was in. Former Guild president and general heartthrob Sam Butler recalls that he “was always up for a laugh, and always very well dressed,” but admits they don’t cross paths now.

Goodwin, from Leicestershire, works in marketing and said he aimed to go into super luxury fashion (which, I’m told, isn’t Donatella Versace in a Wonder Woman costume) but was described by candyman Lord Sugar as “deadwood… out as soon as possible”. Cruel, but still a better endorsement than anything on my CV.

The response to him from current Liverpool students wasn’t positive either. Richard, a second year business student from Warrington, called him “self-indulgent… he was fucking useless.”

Robert will be missed for his flamboyant dress sense, repetition (to the point of mania) of the words luxury and Shoreditch, and his astute observations, having helpfully pointed out (for the benefit of the uneducated masses) that a canoe and a “£250,000 luxury yacht in the south of France”, were, “just not the same thing.”

Correct, Robert. Clever you.

But if you’re after just a little bit more Robert in your life, don’t be disheartened.

He ‘starred’ in the Drama Society’s 2010 performance of The Crucibleand they were kind enough to provide us with a few snaps, and also some warm memories.

Bloody drama kids…

One former cast member said: “He didn’t come out with us much, I think he was just there for the acting side of things.”

Another said: “I don’t really remember him… he had a small part and it was a big cast.” A truly sparkling review.

Seen here with Sam Butler, before he got a haircut and became president.

So long then, Robert. We hardly knew ye. It seems we didn’t miss much.