Seven bad habits picked up during exam time

Peak exam and essay deadline time is stressful. The library looks and feels like Club Tropicana (the drinks however are most definitely NOT free) and it’s hard to remember when you last got a good 8 hour sleep.

During this time, every student is liable to picking up some god awful habits: distractions are necessary when you have four deadlines to complete and haven’t picked up a textbook since January…

1. SMOKING

During the months of April and May, the outside of the Sydney Jones resembles Heebies courtyard, with half of those who should be inside inhaling enough carcinogens to kill off a small elephant. Although smoking is, of course, very bad for you, it is a legitimate distraction and provider of a much needed break during a monster library session. Know anyone who’s going abroad in the next couple of weeks? Get them to bring 200 back for you through duty free: it’ll save you a shed load of cash and about 15 trips to Tesco.

Smoking like a classy chimney FO LYF

2. CAFFEINE CRAZE

The horror stories of eyeliner clad teenagers dying from drinking too much Monster doesn’t seem to have deterred the student population from consuming caffeine on an industrial scale. Most students can be seen clutching either a coffee, a red bull, the cheap Tesco alternative or all three at once on most weekdays. You may be shaking like a dog on heat, but productivity seems to be flowing and your word count seems to blast out ten times quicker whilst under the influence of the Caffe Nero fairy. Drink away dear children, but maybe calm it after 5 cans.

If you’re not clutching one of these you most definitely cannot sit with us

3. ADOPTING THE DIET OF AN OBESE AMERICAN CHILD

There is no way that report is getting written without the help of Mr Cadbury, McCoy and Hershey’s. Eating a pile of absolute shite for 4 weeks seems sensible until you get to the end of the year and you resemble Kerry Katona, pre-weight loss surgery. Tesco meal deals become your trusted companion during this time period, and the only shining ray of hope at the end of the working day is knowing that you’re going home to that left over Easter egg.

Meet my new fella: Carbs McCarbs

4. VOYEURISM

Suddenly the boy sitting across from you seems extremely fit, and there is no other option but to abandon your work and stare at him for the next few hours. That gal who is face down asleep on the desk? Yeah, she’s more important than that lab report that needed doing by this morning: just sit down, make yourself comfortable and tweet a few pictures. During this time people seem to become absorbed in the lives of others, hence the popularity of Spotted pages.

Wasted a good 5 minutes of writing trying to get this covert snap

5. ANGRY, TEMPERATURE RELATED TWEETING

The Costa del SJ has reached a new level of hot recently, which has seen a surge in angry tweets directed at the library’s rather sarcastic Twitter account. Whilst they do respond to most tweets, they seem to spend more time on the app and less time opening the window or switching down the heating. To be fair, they are going to get their comeuppance when their British Gas bill arrives… #bankrupt

Guilty as charged: I spend most of my day fuming over my melted make up

Funny you la

6. COUPLE SHAMING

The last thing you need to see is a couple embracing over their mutual dissertation submission whilst you’re crying over the last 1000 words you have to pump out by 4pm, and the fact that you’ll have no one to celebrate with but your cat via Skype. This shaming usually comes in the form of a loud ‘tut’, exclamations of ‘get a room’ or just a long, evil, sadistic stare. Your essay may be the ultimate enemy but right now it’s the goddamn couples that get to feel your Plathian wrath.

Extract yourself from one another before I extract your head from your shoulders

and finally…

7. HATRED TOWARDS ALL HUMAN BEINGS 

Until May 30th, people can expect neither happiness, cheerfullness nor any other form of positive emotion from you. Your life now revolves around the lives of Romantic poets or how to interpret a mile of code before that dreadful day when you have 2 exams, back to back. Happiness is futile: 15 hour shifts in the library rule.

Hating life for the foreseeable future at Team Tab

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