The Tab spends a night in A and E

During your time at uni,  it’s fairly likely you may end up in the accident and emergency section of the Royal.

Whether that’s because of excessive alcohol consumption, meaning you fell down those infamous and dangerous KrazyHouse stairs, or freshers flu just gets too much.  Either way it is a bizarre place and some survival tips are essential.

Beware of KrazyHouse Rhino!

A booze related incident landed me in the Royal Liverpool University Hospital A and E at 2am, after a long traffic-filled taxi ride from Concert Square. My friend and I were left  in a cold and very bright waiting room, it was literally clinical.

As we were deemed a non-emergency case, we had hours to waste until we would be seen, five in fact!

Sat on what I can only explain as the most uncomfortable metal benches – which were more like torture instruments – as our poor bottoms, along with our patience, were slowly losing feeling.

As our phone batteries finally died, we had nothing left to entertain us, until I realised the soap operaesque people-watching would be more entertaining than an episode of EastEnders.

Our iron thrones for the evening

A couple rushed in with a man clutching at his arse and a horrified look of pain sprawled across his face. Much to his annoyance, his girlfriend seemed to be crying with laughter. They sat directly in front of me so I overheard the incident that had led to them bolting into the Royal.

After an intimate evening together, the man had jumped out of bed and bent down to pick up his boxers that had been thrown on the floor. This apparently disturbed their cat and, bewitched by this change in movement, lunged forward and sank its sharp claws into the precious target of the man’s scrotum. They didnt have to wait long and were called in shortly leaving saying: “that bloody shitbag is sleeping in the rain from now on.”

‘Shitbag’ looking smug he now gets the bed to himself

Shortly after, a stern matron like character came charging in towards two middle-aged gentlemen who were bleeding from almost every orifice on their face. They had apparently been brought in by the police for disorderly behaviour.

This evidently had not deterred them and they began fighting whilst balancing on the benches, which was quite impressive considering the drunken state they were in. The nurse did not seem to share my amazement, and appeared to have had enough. Red faced she let out a shrill which was so high pitched it woke anyone who had managed to fall asleep on the benches.

The two men stopped immediately and turned around looking startled on the verge of terrified, they were then marched off like naughty school boys to the head’s office.

My night eventually came to an end when my friend received her stitches and we departed  back to our beds at 7am. I was left with only a strong sense of relief, as I knew the craziness was probably going to continue for the rest of the day.

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