What do your gym clothes say about you?

You can definitely tell what kind of gym-goer someone is by looking at their gym clothes. Whether you like it or not, you’re getting judged on your gym gear, and here’s how…

The Glam Gym-Goer

With their perfectly groomed hair, beautifully concealed faces and brilliant white and pink nike airs, the glams are the most hated. Exercising is a time where you can sweat profusely, you can smell potent, your face can go more red than the emergency stop button (witty gym simile) and you don’t give a monkey’s who sees you.

To the girls who rock up in a tight pink crop top, little lyrca shorts and a full face of slap, you look great, but it’s not the time or the place. Get over yourselves and come join us in a world where boys only give you a second glance when you’ve left bum-sweat marks on the rowing machine.

Someone tell them the gym isn’t a fashion parade

The Martyr Gym-Goer

There are a small group of gym fanatics that come to each session wearing a different charity t-shirt. They tend to spend all of their time walking briskly on a treadmill with an mountainous incline – obviously training to climb Kilimanjaro to raise money for Water Aid.  Or they jog for vast periods of time – obviously training for the half marathon in aid of the Alzheimer’s Society.

Of course we know what they’re really up to.  They’re there to remind us we’re horribly selfish human beings that go to gym not to save mankind, but for our own personal gain.

Warning: these people can be quite scary

The Neon Gym-Goer

These are the scarily energetic people that take over the whole gym with their garish colours and exhaustively vibrant attitude. These are the people who check themselves into the gym on Facebook and Twitter on arrival so all their friends and family know just how energetic they are.

During their workout they take a few selfies of their abs to document progress. These are the people that restlessly linger around your machine making you feel so uncomfortable you cut your routine short.

‘Just about to hit up the gym #biceps #protein’

The Over-Sized Gym-Goer

This attire shows the fitness fanatic has recently lost a fair amount of weight – and of course this is great. However, with this weight loss comes a new sense of confidence and arrogance. These types of people will leave puddles of sweat on the machines without clearing it up to show fellow gym-goers just how hard they’ve been working.

These people will compete against you without your permission.  They lurk around machines waiting for someone to begin and that’s when they swoop in and try to beat you. In all fairness they usually do, but this is because their so-called competitor has had enough of being showered with excess sweat.

Finally, their new found confidence fuels their arrogance to the point where they parade around in the changing rooms starkers, slowly patting themselves down, one leg firmly on the bench with a stance that says “jealous”? It’s been 20 minutes, for the love of God, you’re dry.

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