Pulling girls is an art form. Something to be mastered and perfected after enduring years of exhausting trial and error.

For those of you who haven’t quite mastered the primary stages of seduction, here’s the only guide you need.  This is for those who are fed up of devouring a Chester’s for one, fed up of sleeping alone and hugging your pillow.

The Cold Shoulder

You’ll never see this one in a Katherine Heigl film but it’s a classic none the less. You see the soon to be girl, confident it will never fail, and dance across like an Inbetweener. You lean over and whisper “how much does a polar bear weigh?”  On the off chance she doesn’t know and replies “I don’t know”, just remain calm and say “Neither do I, but it breaks the ice.”

The badumtiss of cymbals and drums still ringing in her ears, you’ll need to catch her as her legs turn to jelly. This line’s only weakness is when trying to use it on a marine biologist.  For obvious reasons.

You’ve floored her in one.

Prehistoric Swooning

Yet another classic, literally as old as the dinosaurs. If you’re too young never to have watched the documentary by Hannah and Barbera about the life of a cave dwelling man in the age of dinosaurs this may not make sense to you, but its genius is matched only by its success rate. 60% of the time it works every time.

Find your dream girl and say, “I may not be Fred Flintstone but I can make your bedrock”. At this point ignore the urge to high five everyone around you at your genius, ‘cos you’re gonna need both hands free.  She’s going to jump into your arms.  Definitely.

Prior preparation

As the title suggests you’ll need something ready. Now it’s not a bandstand hiding round the corner ready to serenade, just a piece of paper with your name and number. Just say to your girl, “Excuse me, you dropped something”, then simply hand her the paper. For the professionals out there you can add to the end “as well as my jaw”. Simple and effective. She’ll probably think it’s fate that you prepared beforehand.

Prep = Pimp

Cheesy Lines

First of all let the Lady know “sorry for the cheesy line but EDAM you’re beautiful”. You look like a nob but you make her laugh and you’re golden. If she doesn’t laugh she’s made of stone because that right there is hilarious.

A little bit of cheese gets you a long way.

Be quick to use these though as soon everyone will be and originality is key. Next time we can cover modern classics such as, “If I were a fly I’d be all over you because you are the shit”.

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