‘He’s just not that into you’… Valentine’s Day

As I sit here in my twenty-first year of single life, the prospect of turning into Bridget Jones has transformed from a light-hearted joke into a very probable reality. However, as my least favourite day of the year rears its ugly head once again, I’ve dropped my bitter woman act in favour of a more gracious response to the world’s most ridiculous ‘holiday’.


Of course, it goes without saying that I still have an underlying hatred for couples, anything romantic and the colour pink. However, this Valentine’s Day I’ve decided to skip out of the house with a smile on my face and warmth in my heart.

I fully intend on greeting my least favourite couples with an exuberant wave, wishing them the happiest of days. As I stroll through heart shaped balloons and sickeningly cute teddy bears in town, I will bask in the fuzzy glow that is sure to surround the city.

Alright, who the fuck am I kidding? I’m going to be in the foulest of moods from the moment I roll out of bed. It won’t even need to be the wrong side, when it comes to Valentine’s Day there simply isn’t a good way of getting up. You’re either crawling over a sweaty male that’s trying to whisper sweet nothings into your ear, or you’re alone, cold and already craving a glass of wine.

The only relationship I need…

It seems to me today’s sole purpose is to make those of us that are incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship even more miserable than we already are. Couples are free to dampen our spirits with their hand-holding, holiday photos and ‘you’ll find someone soon’ comments all year round, so why designate 24 whole hours to these painfully irritating partnerships?

I’ll tell you why. It’s because everybody loves to kick those that are already down. It’s an opportunity to rub their unyielding happiness in our bitter, haggard old faces. However, it’s also an opportunity for us to go out and get inexcusably smashed. Why? Because we’re sad. I don’t care how much you love single life, it’s the one day of the year that makes you question everything you believe in. No matter how much fun you’re having in Heebies, part of you just can’t forget that it’s THAT day of the year.

So for all my singletons out there, grab a glass… and smash it over some couples’ heads.

Cheers bitches.

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