The A-Z of Fresher’s Week

Our handy insider’s guide to the finer points of Merseyside

a-z clubbing fresher's guide freshers week liverpool liverpool freshers Seel Street the Raz

So you’ve been dropped off at halls and unpacked your stuff – now what? Liverpool is your oyster, but it’s difficult to know where to start when you’re in a new city.

Help is at hand. We’ve compiled a handy A-Z guide of this wonderful city, so even the freshest of Freshers can get to know the city as well as the most grizzled of third years. Try to learn from our mistakes and make the most of your first week in Liverpool.

A – is for Accent. It has a bad rap, but the Scouse accent is amazing. Hard to understand at first, but you’ll get used to it. A word of warning – Scousers don’t find the “calm down calm down” routine as funny as you do.

B – is for The Beatles. Liverpool’s most successful export, so be prepared for everyone you ever meet droning on about them when you mention you go to Liverpool Uni. Even so, hanging round their old haunts – The Philharmonic Pub, Penny Lane, even The Raz – never gets old.

C – is for chundering. Try not to. Making your new flatmates cough up the fine after you’ve been sick in a taxi is a shit first impression.

D – is for drugs. Pace yourself. Don’t try and ‘keep up’ with anyone. No-one wants to be the wannabe stoner being sick in a bush after he’s smoked his first joint.

“Oh, you go to Liverpool? You must love The Be…” SHUT UP

E – is for energy. Make the most of your youth. In two years you’ll have no idea how you managed to go out seven nights in a row without wanting to die by Friday.

F – is for FRESHAAAA. Must be shouted whenever anyone mentions alcohol, being hungover or their plans for that night. Whether you’re saying it ironically depends on whether you play sports or not.

G – is for Greenbank Park. A peaceful oasis, perfect for barbecues in the summer and long walks in the winter. Also full of scumbags at night. Don’t be like our Culture Editor and get your wallet taken off you at knifepoint.

H – is for Hope. The uni, that is. Ex-polytechnic and butt of many jokes. You’ll end up talking about Hope students as if they’re second-class citizens, even though you’ve never met one.

If you can’t go to Uni, go to Hope.

I – is for Initiations. They’re officially banned by the uni, but that hasn’t deterred anyone. You’ll be lucky if you get away with just having to drink inhuman amounts of booze – if you plan on taking up rugby at uni, it’s essential that you have no sense of self-preservation and a penchant for homoeroticism.

J – is for John Moores. The other Uni in Liverpool. Slightly less stringent entry requirements than UoL, but don’t be a dick about it. Your successful application to a bottom end of the Russell Group redbrick doesn’t make you a good person.

K – is for Kazimier. It’s a legendary venue in Liverpool, and there’s always something cool going on here. Lovely crowd and cheap homebrewed beer. There’s even a big garden round the back that hosts bands and BBQs in summer.

L – is for Lime Street. The station is here, so unfortunately it’s the first place most people see when they arrive in the city. Unless your idea of a good night out is shit pubs and peeling strip clubs, you should only really pass through here when you’re going to the station, as quickly as possible.

A typical Rugby predrinks, from our friends at The Birmingham Tab

M – is for Maya. According to one of our fashion editors “it’s great and it’s got a cage”. Effortlessly trendy. A good place to go on loan day and pretend you’re baller.

N – is for News from Nowhere. Radical feminist bookshop or Bold Street. The perfect to go if you fancy picking up a book on the sexual politics of eating meat or the history of Palestinian liberation.

O – is for Oomoo. Coffee shop in the centre of Liverpool’s student ghetto. Best place for hungover breakfasts and coffee dates. Also very tolerant of poverty-stricken students buying an espresso and sitting using their wifi for three hours.

P – is for Poverty. Unless mummy and daddy are putting you through uni, it’s gonna happen. Sure, it’s part of the ‘student experience’ and all that shit, but that’s not very comforting when you start to smell because you’re too poor to pay for the washing machine in halls.

Smithdown paradise

Q – is for Queen’s Dock. Don’t do what this writer did and go there in fresher’s week because it sounded posh, only to find there’s nothing there. Probably good if you’re looking for sailors offering rough trade though.

R – is for The Raz. A Liverpool legend. Once playing host to The Beatles, The Rolling Stones and Bob Dylan, the party continues to the present day. With cheesy music and £1 pints, it’s a student staple.

S – is for Seel Street. The centre of the Universe. Conveniently every single good bar and club in Liverpool is either here, or 5 minutes walk away. La’Go, Heebies and pretty much everywhere else are amazing. A fresher’s week without a night out here would be a waste.

T – is for Tea. Making friends with people in your halls always involves drinking way more tea than is healthy. If you don’t drink it, just choke it down with a smile on your face, or you’ll be a billy no-mates for the rest of the year.

A quiet night out on Seel Street

U – is for Utility. If it’s mum’s birthday tomorrow and you still haven’t bought her anything, head here. You don’t actually need anything in here, but it’s full of nice things to decorate your room with, or spend your loan on.

V –  is for The Victoria Gallery and Museum. AKA that big red brick building with the tower in Uni. There’s a nice cafe on the ground floor that’s worth a visit – simply because even though it’s the most well-known building on campus, you’ll probably never go.

W – is for Wool. Scouse slang for non-scousers – so you, basically. Usually it’s derogatory, so don’t just smile and nod your head in confusion when you’ve got someone shouting “wool” at you in a nightclub.

X – is for X in the City. Liverpool’s premier lap dancing club, located on the decidedly unglamorous Lime Street. You’ll probably see plenty of topless women for free in Concert Square on a Saturday night, but if paying for it floats your boat then who are we to judge?

Big, yellow, different

Y – Yellow Superlambanana. A giant sculture of a sheep with a banana-shaped arse. There’s no point in explaining why, so just embrace it. Such a defining symbol of Liverpool that it should be on banknotes.

Z – is for Zoo, although it’s now called The Voodoo Rooms (you try thinking up something for Z). If you fancy watching white girls go nuts to No Diggity (and Juicy’s not on), make a beeline for Zoo. A very standard club with delusions of grandeur – they have VIP booths, and it’s in Concert Square. Really?

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