A Fresher’s Essential Guide

You’re fed up of your small town life and can’t wait to become the next BNOC. Three years of unlimited freedom is just around the corner.

But even though everyone says you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, EVERYONE will judge you by your first week at uni.  All those try-hard stunts and attention seeking look-at-me-I’m-so-cool antics will go down as exactly that.  And don’t even think about trying out a new style.  Facebook will out you by the end of your first day.

So here are seven essential rules for surviving the drunken blunder that will go down in history as Fresher’s Week 2k13.

1. The only people who like freshers are freshers.

No one will like you. And no matter how many moves you’re busting out, non-freshers can tell a fresher in a club from a mile off.  Hint: you’ll all be dancing awkwardly in a circle in the corner.  Give it until after Christmas at least before even approaching a second year.

2. Always have enough booze.

No-one likes a skank who turns up to pres empty handed.  It’s safe to say you’ll be having a sober night.

Although maybe don’t take so many pictures of it

3. Venture out of your room.

Even if you end up hating absolutely everyone on your floor, don’t stay in your room during Fresher’s.  Go out, get shit-faced, blow your student loan and go down as an absolute legend instead.

Legend

4. Please, please, please don’t bang on about your home friends.

Yes, we know, everyone has friends at home. But seriously, you don’t have to drop them into every conversation.  You’ll just end up being known as that boring home bird who never shuts up about their ‘awesome’ friends at home.  It really doesn’t make you look popular. GO HOME FRESHER.

5. Be prepared with this handy survival kit:

• A bucket (you will chunder at some point and if you don’t you’re doing it wrong)
• Sausages and tea for the morning after
• Chocolate for the inevitable breakdown upon realising your mom has been changing your bed/doing your dishes/washing your clothes/cooking for you for the past 18 years and you have absolutely no idea how to do it.
• A good profile pic. Everyone will be checking you out.
• The complete series box-set of your favourite show.  Handy for when you can’t get out of bed.

6. Maybe it’s best to avoid sleeping with multiple people on your floor…

It’s just too awkward for everybody.  And you may think three years is a long time, but those memories will haunt you forever.  Although totally go for it if you plan on avoiding the library/canteen/the whole of campus for the rest of your uni life.  And always, always, remember to…

7. USE PROTECTION.

Who knows where on earth everyone has been in their former adolescence.

Enjoy!