‘He’s Just Not Into You…’ Pt II.

It is a common fact that taking your phone with you on a night out is always going to be a dangerous endeavour…

Why we haven’t yet managed to muster the strength to leave it on our desk and enjoy our night without the nagging urge to send hourly “whyerew ar1e uii?” texts is a mystery.

We’ve all been there, it’s 3am and you have a sudden burning desire to get into contact with everyone and anyone that might possibly answer.

This list often includes your ex, anyone you might have recently got with and the secret love of your life.After deliberating with yourself for a rough 10 minutes (which of course feels like a couple of hours) you decide that an incomprehensible text from you in the middle of the night whilst they’re at home in bed is definitely what they want.

Once you’ve reached this conclusion, it is therefore horrifying to you when you check your phone an hour later and your sordid text has still received no response.

So of course, the most appropriate thing for you to do next is to call them… multiple times, convincing yourself that if they would only wake up they would most definitely want you to stumble into their room in your paralytic state.

All that possession of your phone when drunk gains you is a sense of overwhelming embarrassment when you wake up alone in bed the next morning with your phone still tucked under your ear on maximum volume. The moment of hope you receive when you see that you have a text is quickly dashed when you realise it is, of course, from your mum.

Those of you with an IPhone will also understand the complete irony of the fact that autocorrect only ever works when you’re off your face. The amount of times that you try to send a text sober, only to have words corrected to one of your facebook friends’ surnames is a complete hindrance. Yet somehow, your “can I come over?” message manages to come out perfectly, clearly conveying the message that you are a desperate mess.

when these faces come out, confiscate your friend’s phone.

You can try and explain this behaviour the next morning, I’m sure we’ve all used the “sorry my friend had my phone” or “I don’t know why I called you (lol)” excuses, but there’s no fooling these recipients… they know exactly what you were after and you’re just going to have to deal with the shame of being rejected.

Moral of the story: Unless you have a boyfriend or no cares in the world, lock your phone in a bathroom cupboard where you will never be able to find it in your wobbly state and just enjoy your night.

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Pt I can be read here.