‘He’s Just Not Into You…’

Last Thursday, as I stood in one of the cubicles of the Shipping Forecast’s toilets, I overheard a conversation between two girls that brought me out of my almost comatose state and into a fit of fury and despair.

The face of wisdom?

One of these girls was crying as she’d just seen the boy that she liked get with another girl directly in front of her. Now while this, I’m sure, is never a pleasant experience, her friend’s reassurance that “He texted you last night so he must like you, maybe it wasn’t what it looked like,” had me about ready to hurl myself under the crack between the two cubicles in order to set this situation straight for the poor girl myself.

Whilst I’m hardly a relationship guru, there is one piece of advice that I’ve learnt through my experiences with the male sex that I just wish girls worldwide could grasp quite as firmly as I have: if a boy is treating you like he doesn’t give a shit – he quite genuinely doesn’t give a shit.

Disneyfication and Taylor Swift banging on and on means that girls are often left with the impression that things are going to go just as swimmingly for them as they did for Cinderella. I can warn you all, however, that Prince Charming is definitely not going to be lurking in the sidelines of the Masque.

It’s no wonder your relationships last no longer than a few weeks when you write a song about every boy you meet Taylor…

Your typical University ‘lad’ is looking for nothing more than a mash and dash.

If you think that after he’s shipped you off in a Delta cab at 8 in the morning, with your heels in one hand and the three pounds you have leftover from the night before in the other, and that your next three text messages asking when he wants to meet up are going to be answered, you are sadly mistaken.

Don’t get me wrong, some relationships do work out at Uni, but girls need to learn how to tell the ones that will from the ones that won’t, and trust me gyrating on an old man whilst staring at him from across the dance floor and taking home one of his housemates is not going to make him jealous. He’ll just think you’re a twat.

At the end of the day, it’s important that we as girls learn to read the signs: if he tries to get with your younger sister when she comes up to visit you– he’s not into you. If he asks you to leave immediately after you’ve had sex – he’s not into you, and if he tries to stop sleeping with you altogether – HE IS DEFINITELY NOT INTO YOU.

To save the heartbreak and upset, it’s important that we kick these boys to the curb before they get the chance to do it to us.

Unless you have the mentality of Samantha from Sex in the City, picking up the first troll you find slumped over a fat frog in the corner of The Raz isn’t going to help you get over him either.

The first instalment of A Geezer’s Guide can be read here…

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