FAO Boyfriends: How To Buy Lingerie
If you’re going to get into someone’s pants, make sure they’re the right ones.
The Ann Summer’s Valentine’s advert is on every break, promising sex with the purchase of a £50 corset. Whether you’re in the throes of a budding romance (have fun with that), or trying to spice it up a bit (most Tab readers are under 25 – if you’re having this problem, you need to reassess a few fundamental things), underwear is a pretty good gift. If you do it right.
This is, probably, the most fundamental part of buying underwear. Too big? She’ll be pissed off. Too small? She’ll be even more pissed off. If crossing over into childhood stories isn’t a little too perverse, think of Goldilocks – you want to get it just right. The best way to do this, is by doing a bit of research. Either ask her, or simply have a look at the label. If you don’t know, don’t guess. You will get it wrong.
Just because you think something red, lacy, and crotchless is perfect, don’t assume that your architecture-studying lass who has never had a boyfriend before will assume the same. On the flipside, a fifties style high-waisted pant won’t go down well with someone who normally steps out in a thong. They might wear it once, but if you find something you both like, you’ll probably see it quite often.
Unless you’re loaded, step away from Net-a-Porter. Honestly, every girl would love a set from Stella McCartney (don’t even get me started on Coco de Mer), but they’ll recognise that the loans went in last month, and were probably spent within a week, hence the Tesco Value rice. Calvin Klein are surprisingly affordable, if a little plain, if you fancy something designer. Otherwise, go for Boux Avenue or Marks and Spencer. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley designed a range for the latter – and if it’s endorsed by RHW, then pretty much every girl will love it. Official.
A final word of advice: don’t buy anything endorsed by E L James. If you do, have this image superimposed in your mind every time she wears them: