ATB FC: Team Profile

Meet the magic behind the match.  We give you the low down on All The Boys.

Martin ‘The Boss’ Maticevic (Defence):

Our team captain, manager, chairman, commercial director, head scout, and head coach. This Croatian (inter)national’s playing style is akin to Jose Enrique, with his bombing runs from defence, ability to score and assist, and his (quite frankly intimidating) physical presence.

Sam Butler (Defence):

A rock in defence, Butler is a less racist John Terry – although the jury is still out on his womanizing ways. With a cool head, unflappable manner and willingness to stand on the edge of his own penalty box for half an hour in freezing conditions, he is an integral part of ATB FC.

‘Old Man’ Obi (Midfield):

At the ripe old age of 26, Obi is often compared to Ryan Giggs due to his surprising ability to remain competitive at the top level of 6-a-side football despite his failing body. His ageing frame means he can only play in short bursts before throwing up a lung.

Patrick Atherton, Vice-Captain (Midfield):

Camera shy Patrick has some work to do

This combative midfielder makes up for a lack of natural footballing talent with a Gary Neville-esque combination of hard work, grit, and shouting louder than anyone else. Having said that, his fitness has seriously declined over the winter break due to an elbow injury. It will be interesting to see if our Vice-Captain can come back from this set-back with the same amount of physicality.

Jonny Brown (Midfield/Defence and occasionally attack):

The key talent in ATB FC, this extremely versatile player is the only one good enough to be selected for the University team. Going down as the Head Scout’s top spot, this London boy can be compared to a hybrid of Lionel Messi and Leighton Baines.

Adam Sawko (Striker):

ATB FC’s large fan base had big hopes for the Polish (inter)national going into the season as he was the only player who had been in a football youth academy. And not just any academy but that of the mighty Reading FC.  Yep, that’s the same Academy that brought you ‘greats’ such as Shane Long, Simon Cox, and Darius Henderson (we should have known).

However, after a bright scoring start it became clear he has become ATB’s version of Fernando Torres. Despite obvious talent and good effort, he has been unable to convert chances into goals. Currently, the head coach is working with Sawko on his off-the-ball movement, overall balance and coordination.

Ewan Powell (all round super-sub):

Our number 2 goalkeeper, Powell bears a striking resemblance to Brad Jones. After doing a solid job as a fill in keeper at the start of the season, Powell has proven a favourite with a work ethic reminiscent Dirk Kuyt.

His popularity was proven when his first goal of the season led to a pitch invasion from an army of adoring fans. However his attempts at defensive positions were less successful with his inability to understand the idea of ‘STAYING GOAL-SIDE’ drawing particular criticism from reporters.

Oscar Davies (No.1 Goalkeeper):

If gangly goalie got his head out of the clouds he might save some goals

The Welshman’s lanky appearance and inconsistency has bought comparison to Heurelho Gomes. Despite joining the team fairly late on, as he was admirably seeing out a previous contract, he made an instant impact by pulling off some breath-taking saves: the highlight being a triple save in the dying moments of a close win for the Boys.

Unfortunately, consistency has hardly been the watchword for the cat-like goalie with far too many goals conceded (primarily going through his gangly legs) during the head scout’s trip to Amsterdam. Having just recovered from a chest infection he has been heavily involved in pre-season friendlies.

Read The Tab’s report of ATB’s season so far

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