People You Will Meet At Uni

During your time at uni, you will of course meet all different kinds of people…

THE JIM-FROM-AMERICAN PIE
This guy will spend the majority of their time at uni trying, and usually failing, to get laid. The Jim is always game for a night out and will more than likely pounce on the first girl he sees after one drink.

That sock is definitely too big

Favourite places: easy pulling hotspots like the Raz and the K. Yet inexplicably, still with no success.

THE LIBRARY LURKER
They’ve always done the wider reading you haven’t done. They were at that tutorial NO-ONE could be arsed with. They applied for that work experience that seemed like too much of a ballache. All in all, this person is a pain in everybody’s arse, particularly when they observe your poor attendance with wide-eyed surprise.

Nice sweater-vest, bro

Socialises:  with their tutor.

THE LAD
Fancy themselves as the most manly and hilarious guys around. However, most uni “LADS” tend to be a lot more middle-class than they let on, some landing on the Jack Whitehall end of the posh spectrum.

Tits, fanny, football and tits

Favourite activities: drinking “impressive” amounts; sex; banter; awkward, post-night out skuffles with bouncers.

THE WASTER
If you’re doing uni right, we should all have a little bit of the waster in us. The fully-fledged waster however is that guy that only ever seems to emerge once a week for munchies supplies and may well have been kicked out of uni without them even noticing.

excuse me while I bun on this zoot

Likely to be heard saying: Mate, I missed my meeting about poor attendance…
Usually wearing: A vacant expression.

THE PERFECT COUPLE:
You want to be happy for them, you really do..But lately they seem to have fused into one, and discussion of time apart goes down about as well as an old lady with a bad back (now there’s a pleasant image for you). Sickeningly right for each other, or too scared to be alone? I’m cynical so I’ll go for the latter.

x x <3 me and my boy <3 x x

Usually found: wherever the other one is.

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