Student Cribs: Battle of the Bank

Roscoe and Gladstone, Derby and Rathbone – are these halls really full of Greenbank Wankers?

Roscoe and Gladstone


Cribs takes The Tab to O block to start off. The Tab was pleasantly surprised to find a large room with plenty of wall space, a balcony (where many used to have a cheeky fag until the smoking ban came in,) and… enough room for pre drinks.

A beautiful balcony…

Note the bottles for binning

The only problem is you’re left with the mess afterwards.

Not as messy as some rooms in this block though:

Despite the big rooms (enough for an en-suite in fact,) you share a bathroom with five other people, four of them, in Cristina’s case, being of the grosser sex: boys.

And this is what we share: Not even desperately required air freshener or a sink to wash your hands. Then there’s the shower… If you can call it that. If you’re over 5”9 you won’t fit in it. If you do, you’ll get icky sticky shower curtain on you. Expect: mud, hairs and spiders. If you’re lucky you may land the floor with the bath… an area for pranks, hair dying and drinking beer.

Finally: the “kitchen”. Susan Boyle would not fit in here, so if you’re a fatty and you want food good luck squeezing in. Supposedly sharing with six but often 12 instead, the “kitchen” consists of a toaster (broken on arrival), a microwave (wobbly at best) and a fridge (see below for detail):

The Good: Big rooms and close to the dining room (If the food is really anything to look forward to!)

The Bad: You only get a big room if it’s on the corner and you don’t get a balcony on the bottom floor.

The Ugly: Sharing a bathroom, shower and “kitchen”- alone time is not an option and you will encounter your worst nightmares.


Self Catered:

If you’re one of the select few, you are self-catered Roscoe and Gladstone. Small in numbers so don’t expect a great community feel but you do have MASSIVE BEDROOMS:

Again it’s your responsibility to keep it clean! This one was described as being “too clean”. The Tab will let you decide…

Four showers and new ones at that… and a toilet with a sink!

Not only do they have a kitchen and thus avoid the grimy, beige food of Greenbank. It’s brand new and you can eat whenever and whatever you like!

“What’s that beaut smell?!”

The Good: More space for pre-drinks and more chairs!

The Bad: No balcony.

The Ugly: Washing up and not as many people.


Derby and Rathbone

Looking around self catered D&R I was less than impressed. There is an unrecognisable smell upon our entering of R block as we are led up wide stairs to a corridor on the third floor. The room The Tab see is smaller than we expect with inadequate wardrobe space. Not good if you are a girl! One wardrobe would not even accommodate my tops…

Also one notice board is not cool. One advantage is that self-catered are equipped with an en-suite however the drawback of this is the size.

Too close for comfort…

The toilet and the shower are about eight inches apart – no joke. The en-suite makes vomming easy and with less embarrassment. That is an accident waiting to happen! As for the kitchen that is nice, fairly big there is a table in the middle and I quote ‘a really good freezer’.  Another notable quote when asked about what the residents think of D&R self catered are: “It’s a Shithole” and when asked what the best feature is, a resident replied “the tap gives you a really cold glass of water” – always what you look for in a place to live.

The Good: You can cook for yourself, no crappy meals over at R&G

The Bad: Unclean, pokey and lacks space.

The Ugly: If people don’t cleanup after themselves you have one smelly kitchen

Kitchen blues

Catered D&R is set in beautiful surroundings, the one The Tab visited was F block and it is part of ‘old court’. It has a very fancy feel.

Nice view 😉

However, a small kitchen is shared between 16 people and the fridge is tiny!

Teeny tiny kitchen

The rooms are spacious though and a big bath is provided alongside a drying room with multiple sinks for social teeth brushing. One negative point here is the lack of balcony. Catered Roscoe and Gladstone upper floors all have a balcony, which is very useful. Furthermore, catered D&R must walk a fair way to get to their good in the dining hall at R&G, in a morning for breakfast that could get very annoying. Especially when you are hungover – ain’t no body got time for that!


The Good: The surroundings and the space

The Bad: Sharing shower facilities, teeny tiny kitchen,

The Ugly: No shower on the ground floor, wet feet on steep stairs is never good…


Coming up next week…The Tab visit Carnatic

We couldn’t take a look at a messy room in D&R self catered so any photos you want to send in are greatly appreciated.

Send us your cribs photos from Greenbank and tell us why you love or hate where you live