Boredcasting on: The X Factor

This week, Boredcasting delves into the scary depths of The X Factor and asks if this is a show worth singing about (Hint: it’s not).

I haven’t watched X Factor since I was about eleven, so all I know about this season is from Facebook. My knowledge so far therefore consists of knowing most people hate someone called Rylan and there’s a scouser called Christopher who isn’t liked much either.

The ‘singing’ starts off with a carrot with a moustache singing Mumma Mia, dressed in an outfit I’m pretty sure used to own for my Barbie, who I learn is Rylan. I’m not really sure why he got so many positive comments, as he has the vocal skills of a turnip, but then again so does judge Tulisa. On learning he was the act who was booted this week, I was far from surprised.

Rylan – there are no normal photos of this man.

I’m expecting the next act to be a generic boyband as ‘Union J’ take the stage but they’re actually not that bad. They each have pretty good individual voices and they’re in tune, unlike the previous act, although they seem to be purposely marketed as a boyband to hit the JLS/ One Direction /whatever-the-other-one-is market. Following this, Jahmene sings ‘I have a dream’ but he’s super nasal and his notes are shaky. He has the generic talent show sob story (they have to have one, obviously) but still, he is an improvement on carrot-boy and he gets better towards the end.

An awful joke from Louis Walsh about Nicole Shit-Singer’s boyfriend Lewis Hamilton (always on the podium HA HA), we move on to James Arthur who, ooh, has talent. It’s refreshing to see someone ACTUALLY make a song their own, so much so that I barely recognised it until the chorus kicked in (its SOS, FYI). After the judge’s comments I end up with Gangnam Style stuck in my head after the constant repetitions of JAMES ARTHUR STYLE… a good start for the next act.

James Arthur – possibly the only half decent singer left in the country.

Finally I hear the man from Liverpool, Christopher, who in his pre-video is a bit aggressive towards the apparently amazing girl who was kicked out the previous week (ME-OW). He’s more cabaret singer than superstar and his performance of ‘Fernando’ sounds like Friday night karaoke in the pub near Lime Street I always run by when I’m late for my train home.

It’s at this point in the show that I realise there’s MORE. I miserably sit through more of carrot-boy (this time dressed like Mr Blobby) and the gang, which features another pretty stunning performance from James Arthur and another not-so-average boyband performance from Union J, I finally reach the end.

Remember X Factor lovers – you let this happen.

It’s not really an experience I want to relive and I’d rather spend my Saturday nights in an acid bath than listening to some of the acts, but I suppose I can see its appeal. On the other hand, the judges are irrelevant, the show is lifeless and I’m so so glad it’s over.

Next week, Boredcasting talks TOWIE Live. Get your vajazzles ready!!