Student vs Food

On Thursday 25^th of October 7:00 pm The Tab’s very own sports co-editor Josh Harbone is nursing a soda water in anticipation of the chilli chicken wing challenge that faces him. 50 of the spiciest wings in Liverpool, can he handle it? You’re just going to have to read and find out…

The Man, the Myth, the Legend – Noble Chicken Crusader, Josh Harbourne

We sit on a long table facing a blackboard which reads “Finish a plate of 50 spicy chicken wings and get your money back”. It’s a tempting challenge if you’re a poverty stricken student – you can stuff yourself and potentially not pay a penny. That factor, and the fact that we at The Tab just like to see Josh suffer has contributed to the big crowd that gathered for the occasion

A waitress proudly brings over the plate of death, and we can all smell the chilli from the top of the table to the bottom. The chilli sauce is a luminous orange, like a volcano’s angry lava and twice as hot, smeared across 50 meaty wings. Thus it begins.

Josh, welcome to hell.

There is virturally no struggle from Josh at the beginning. He chomps down the wings like a starving Adam Richman, and we stare on in awe until number 17 hits our challenger’s tongue. He is beginning to feel the burn. Number 18 results in no comment from Josh, just a pained and fearful expression. By 20 he is just bursting to say something:

Number 17.

This is 21 minutes in to the challenge. It is safe to say that at this point we all knew we were in for a long night. “He’s probably going to turn into a Chicken”, one of the crowd comments. After 50 wings, wouldn’t anyone?

Two more wings down the line and our Josh is flagging. His eyes are harrowing; his body in a severe state of distress.

“I’ll take a prison sentence right now”, he mourns.

After wing 23 he exclaims “The meat sweats have started”. We can all sympathise with the meat sweats. Watching this I can’t help feeling a little cruel. What did Josh ever do to deserve this pain? For that matter, what did the chickens ever do to deserve this?

He reaches 25 wings, the half way point and we’re all feeling quietly optimistic. However, Josh is struggling, and the room is tense: “I will smack you right in the face. You will not be pretty anymore after I am finished with you” Josh barks at our editor after a particularly cruel taunt. He means business.

The pain!

Wing 26 touches Josh’s lips, and he chews it methodically. The clock stands at 30 minutes and the team look at each other, knowing that the end is near by the look on Josh’s face. “I think I’m going to commit suicide!” 

Josh composes himself but he can’t even look at wing 27, holding it gingerly and realising it would be his last. The final bit of flesh is ripped from the bone and he looks at us sheepishly (chickenly?). Holding his hands to his mouth he leaves the table and sprints to the toilet.

Game over. His co-editor, in an act of solidarity goes to take photos for the article and we all grimace at the thought. Surely it tasted bad enough the first time. As Josh returns he waves the white flag. We are all relieved it’s over.

Poor toilet

Today in the challenge of Student vs Food, food won!

Think you can do better? Email us your attempts at the spicy chicken challenge – we are dying to take the piss out of Josh some more.

I don’t even want to think about his next trip to the toilet.