Six-a-side Stories: Wavertree Woes

24th Oct 2012 – Matchday 1 – Babes already propping up league

Brunsdon Babes 1
Team Winner 2

The initial excitement of forging a team for the new six-a-side season did not last long. As the first ball was kicked an appalling slow motion car crash began to unfold. There were few survivors.

In what must surely be a new world record low scoring game for six-a-side, the diabolically named Team Winner came away with all the points despite a serious lack of imagination both on and off the pitch.

Playing in all white, the Babes were in patches reminiscent of Real Madrid but mostly resembled Bolton Wanderers on an off day. Set out in the fashionable 2-2-1 formation the Babes struggled to dazzle and delight. Only Etherington’s sharp reflexes and large gut prevented serious embarrassment.

Despite Harriman shelling out on fancy new boots he couldn’t find the goal. Chants of “What a waste of money” could be made out from the near capacity crowd. Wilford looked lost in the middle of the park. As the game continued to pass him by, he struggled to find team mates with the most simple of balls. There are rumours circulating of his imminent removal from the squad.

Aplin, excellent throughout, departed shortly before the half time whistle, leaving the entire team in disarray. Team Winner could smell blood and took their chance with aplomb. The Babes trudged off looking glum; a goal down at the break.

Team talk delivered and the certainty of a season of discontent realised, the Babes strode out of the tunnel with a sense of hope. They were horribly misplaced.

In the second period Vereenooghe, Fussell and Williams were all guilty of wild strikes, with several achieving the shameful feat of clearing the protective cage. Bradburn, seemingly confused at what sport he was playing, regularly ended flat out on the deck, perplexed at the sight of the spherical ball.

Time running out, the Babes pressed for an equaliser. As men raced forwards, the killer blow was struck by Team Winner. 2-0 down – it would take a miracle to recover anything now.

With the game petering out and the Babes resigned to defeat, Aplin picked the ball up 20 yards from goal. With the most splendid of turns he made the two opposition defenders look ridiculous before striking the ball towards goal at extraordinary speed.

Certain to have been a contender for goal of the season, it was heartbreaking to see the ball rebound off the post. Fortunately for the Babes, Williams was in the right place to see the ball deflect off his toe and incredibly, saw it loop into the net.

As soon as the celebrations had begun the whistle had blown. The reality of defeat was visibly seen to take its toll on the players, with several left staring blankly at the ground.

Improvements must be made if the Babes’ fortunes are to recover. Already bottom of the league and pointless in every sense of the word, it cannot get any worse. But most likely, it can.

One of the two people attending commented that, “It was like watching a French farce. The only thing missing was the spinning plates…”

Player ratings: Etherington 8, Bradburn 5, Vereenooghe 7, Aplin 9, Wilford 2, Harriman 7, Fussell 6, Williams 6
Attendance: 2

Check in next week for the next instalment. In the words of D:ream, things can only get better…