The Madness of Mathletico Madrid

Mathletico Madrid are no ordinary university football team.

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Mathletico Madrid are no ordinary university football team.

A squad consisting of stereotype defying Maths students, Mathletico Madrid have been in the inter-campus leagues for as long as memory can recall.

Last year’s Wednesday 1st Division Champions will be an extremely tough act to beat this year following their Invincibles Season last year; a record of 6 wins and 2 draws is no mean feat in the university’s premier inter-campus league.

Incomplete photograph of members of Mathletico’s 2011/12 Squad. Kit circa 2011/12 pictured

Mathletico pose a serious challenge to any team in the 1st division, and their goal scoring record is well known and feared by many of the teams in the Wednesday divisions. Mathletico finished with a mammoth goal difference of +33 goals last season, with many of their strikes coming from their main striker and resident Liverpudlian, Sean Heggarty.

Mathletico’s No.9’s goal scoring antics have since prompted the chant: ‘feed the Heg and he will score’.

Not only have Mathletico been tearing teams apart on the pitch for the past couple of seasons, they have been tearing the streets of Liverpool apart on their infamous socials, organised by the team’s resident Lothario and Social Secretary, Danny Sullivan, also nicknamed ‘The Reputation’ (Right of Centre).

Social secretary Danny Sullivan is nicknamed ‘The Reputation’

Danny, himself a senior member of the squad now, immediately endeared himself to the senior members of Mathletico as a Fresher on their first social of the year.

He was arrested for defending a fellow teammate from the clutches of an overly zealous bouncer in Concert Square, prompting the largest police pile on since the Rodney King beating.

Ever since that night, Danny and Mathletico have been downing Quad Vods in Faculty in a twisted and monstrous synergy that can surely not be healthy for the longevity of their livers.

Zut Alors! The mime themed Mathletico Social

Notorious Drinkers

Mathletico are notorious drinkers and this was defined best by their approach to the University’s 7s tournament which takes place every May.

Historically, the presentation evening for the winners and runners up of the Wednesday and Sunday leagues, the Campus Cup winners and 7s Tournament winners takes place on the same day as the Campus Cup final and 7s Tournament; therefore, the evening where the 1st Division title was presented was bound to be the biggest social event of the Mathletico calendar.

Already overjoyed with their Wednesday title but disappointed by their shock exit in the Campus Cup to Law, Mathletico decided that they would take an unconventionally laissez faire approach to the 7s tournament by drinking Fosters whilst they weren’t playing.

Needless to say, despite the talent of the Mathletico side, they didn’t win the 7s tournament. 8 cans of Fosters rarely tends to be the best preparation for football these days. I’m sure Tony Adams circa 1989 would disagree with you, however.

A look at the league table shows the gulf in class last year with their nearest rivals FTSE XI, the Business Management School, finishing with a goal difference three times inferior to that of Mathletico.

Admittedly Mathletico have lost some players who were integral to their unbeaten run last year, but with their trials upcoming it’s very likely that Mathletico will be able to replace the quality they have recently lost.

Equally, the senior members of Mathletico are looking for lads who are dedicated to their philosophy and ideology, which essentially boils down to, a lot of the time, Quad Vods and Popworld.

After all, as senior members of Mathletico say: ‘Mathletico isn’t just a football team; Mathletico is a way of life’.