Lincoln icons who could actually be the prime minister instead

#Swanny4PM

1 year ago

Once again, the UK has a new prime minister, this time in the form of Rishi Sunak. However, after months of turbulence in Westminster the political state of the country isn’t great right now and many people are feeling apathetic about the new government. With that in mind, here is a list of Lincoln icons who would probably do a better job than the current politicians.

Swanny

Swanny is an absolute legend around campus. A natural leader, he possesses all the charisma and swagger it takes to head up the government. Known for being the sports mascot supporting teams at varsity and other competitions, he has the ability to cheer on and motivate even the weakest of backbenchers. Would definitely vote for Swanny in a general election.

Darcie the Quack duck

Darcie is a familiar and comforting face to every Lincoln student, sitting majestically outside the Students Union, and signifies you’re in for a good night filled with VKs and cheesy bops at Quack. What the country needs right now is unity, and nothing has the ability to bring Lincoln students together like Quack does. Plus, it’s guaranteed that the parties at Number 10 would be absolutely lit with Darcie in charge.

The swans on the Brayford

As any Lincoln resident knows, the swans on the Brayford are savage, and this is a must have trait for successful politicians. They take no prisoners and would tear the opposition to shreds every week at Prime Minister’s Questions. Quite frankly, the thought of these power-crazed birds leading the country is terrifying, but then again so was the potential return of Boris Johnson.

Superbull

Bully! Everyone’s favourite club appearance is on a Friday night at Bierkeller and Void when the inexplicable creation that is the Superbull turns up. Scores of students clamour to have their photo taken with this iconic character and the club night regularly sells out. Bully radiates good vibes and would sort out the economic crisis, hand out free jagerbombs to all citizens and ultimately be the nation’s hero.

The dinosaur bridge

Ah, the good old dinosaur bridge. A calm, stoic hero and an old reliable friend/foe to many. Most Lincoln students have been in the dreaded situation of running late for a nine AM lecture and being met with the train barriers closed at the level crossing. Despite climbing those stairs being the last thing anyone would want to do first thing in the morning, taking the L and heading over the bridge gets you to the lecture with seconds to spare. Despite the love hate relationship most students have with this questionable structure, it gets the job done.

The horses on West Common

These horses must be the most relaxed creatures known to man because all they do is graze on the lush greens of West Common and get petted by excitable students. They are just so chilled out and friendly – no nasty jibes at political opponents, no breaches of the ministerial code. For that reason, any one of these lovely animals would make a great PM.

The Lincoln imp

Whilst these cheeky chappies look quite sweet, don’t be fooled by their innocent faces. They are notorious in Lincoln’s rich history for causing trouble and wreaking havoc. However, these wily ways would serve them well in Westminster. Sneaky budget cuts? Easy. Leaking chaotic scandals? Say no more. They might not make the best decisions for the country but at least they wouldn’t lie about it.

Two for one cocktails in the Swan

Cocktails in the Swan are the unsung hero of Lincoln uni life. Whether you’ve had a tough day of lectures or just submitted an essay, they are always there for you. They are a constant support, they never change and what you see is what you get. Unlike our politicians, cocktails in the swan will never let you down.

The mysterious figurines in the Minerva Building

To be honest, no one really knows what these are or where they came from. Other than that they are dressed in the university’s graduation clothing and also seem to be knights, they are a mystery to students and staff alike. However, they’ve been sat in university buildings, day in, day out, for years, and for that level of commitment alone they are more reliable than the last few PMs.