A rundown of what course you do at Lincoln based on who you played in the Nativity

We get it, you’re a med student

4 years ago

The Nativity play is a staple of any British child’s Christmas experience. From October there are whispers about who will rule the stage (in reality it’s just the school hall) as Mary, and who will be condemned once again to a non-speaking role. What they don’t tell you at primary school is that this decision determines who you will be, and more crucially, what course you will do at university.

Mary or Joseph – Law

Everyone wanted to be you and you knew it. Confident in their main character energy at age 11, Mary and Joseph walked around the school like Katie Price and Peter Andre with perfect scores on their spelling tests, all the swimming badges, and a healthy balanced packed lunch.

You were the star of the show but still managed to moan about how much you had to learn whilst the rest of us seethed at your ungratefulness and hoped you’d stumble your lines. You definitely still moan about how much reading you have to do for your degree, safe in the knowledge that you’re probably going to be rich. Yes, your parents were proud, but everyone else resented (resents) you.

Three Kings – Medicine

You loved dressing up then, and you still love dressing up now at one of your many society socials or Quack. You’d probably refer to yourself as a king so everybody knew who you were playing in the show. Strikingly similar to how you are now, especially when using this classic line, trying to get a girl’s number on a night out: “Didn’t you know that I’m a med student? I study medicine”.

You are probably a fan of the finer things in life, your idea of gold, frankincense and myrrh is a Rolex, a Macbook and a designer belt, which you flash about as often as you mention the fact that you’re a med student. Which is all the time.

Shepherd – Geography or History

Don’t ask me why but you definitely ate a lot of yoghurt at primary school. You probably still think wearing a tea towel on your head is the height of fashion, and definitely own walking boots and a waterproof jacket for field trips and long museum visits. Instead of sheep, you now spend your days trying to herd your flatmates to the library or on walks around the West Common. On a night out you lose all control of the flock and end up alone in King Kebab, giving a stranger directions. Sorry but like your yoghurt, you’re just very vanilla, and probably lack a bit of spice.

Innkeeper – Business

It makes sense the Innkeeper didn’t let Mary and Joseph have a room in the Inn, they hadn’t paid and maybe there wasn’t enough room, to the Innkeeper’s discretion of course. Your favourite film is definitely the Wolf of Wall Street and you dream of winning The Apprentice with a cool but unique business idea, and then going on to live the luxury lifestyle you dream of. In reality, your only side hustle is being part of a pyramid scheme or forex trading, the profits of which you spend on either several bottles of Grey Goose or cocktails in Home, followed by a McDonalds in the taxi. Luxury.

Angel – Sociology

If you played an angel you probably study a classic course like Sociology – although you’re a bit basic, everyone likes you and you like everybody. The angels had the best costume and they knew it – you still dress really well and turn up to your 9am seminars looking like you’re going on a night out. The angels have the best Insta feed and can be found in the Botanist or making their Innkeeper boyfriends take sunset pics of them by the Brayford.

Angel Gabriel – Psychology

You were way too confident for an 11 year old. If asked who you played in the Nativity you make sure to emphasise the Gabriel. It’s not a personality trait and I’m sorry to say it, but you’re still a bit basic, and you still played an angel, there’s no shame in it.

Narrator – English or Journalism

You were very loud and took pride in being the best at reading in your class and getting your pen licence before anyone else. Whilst the rest of us perfected our sad little single line, you had monologues, which you delivered with the finesse of an Oscar-winning actor. You were probably also that really nosey child who always wanted to be involved in everyone’s business. Big ‘I’m telling on you’ energy, sorry.

Sheep – Education

The sheep was the nice one in your class, quiet and probably chewed their jumper sleeves. If you played a sheep you probably study an equally lovely course like Education now, and are really into knitting, baking or singing in your spare time. The sheep love a night in with their long term partner and can exclusively be found in the library or a coffee shop.

The Star – Drama

The Star was destined to study Drama. You thought the Star was the main character but in reality, you were a side character at best, and might not even have had any lines whatsoever. You probably cried when you found out you weren’t Mary, and were definitely a salty child who kicked off when someone wouldn’t let you join their game. Exclusively drinks VK’s and loves pretending to be drunker than they are.

Any other animal – ???

Whether you played a cow, donkey, or camel, you definitely had untapped potential. You went off the radar after primary school but you’ll turn up in 10 years’ time with a successful career, family life and unique hobbies. There are no limits to what course you do, you’re an enigma and keep your past nativity role very quiet. Oh, but if you played the Donkey you study Sport, don’t ask why.