Why is everybody bashing 50 Shades Of Grey?

You probably love it in secret

It’s not cool to admit you like 50 Shades Of Grey.

It was the ultimate Valentine’s treat this year, tickets to go see 50 Shades Of Grey with your partner, with the male hoping that his girlfriend will get so excited by the sight of passionate sex, chains and whips, that it will lead to a night of passion in their own bedroom.

Everybody seems to be slating it but personally, I’m a huge fan.

Handcuffs anyone?

Sure, the dialogue is a little bit ropey, pardon the pun. Okay, very ropey. But for anyone who has read E.L James’s hugely popular trilogy of 50 Shades, if you were expecting a life-changing Oscar winning script, then you’d probably have been better off buying your tickets for The Theory Of Everything.

90% of us were all going under the thought process of: “this is essentially going to be like watching porn on a cinema screen in a room with a load of other strangers”. Let’s face it.

You know you want to try out the bit where he bites on to the ice cube and trails it down her naked body. Infact, most of the students on campus who I’ve spoken to about it have admitted they’d probably do exactly what Anastasia did, but they’re just not quite as vocal as those who seem to be offended by a bit of sex on the big screen.

Proper kinky stuff.

Christian, for the most part, is every bit the gentleman boyfriend that most girls would like – aside from the fact he doesn’t “make love, he fucks… hard” as he so eloquently explains himself.

But he’s attentive, respectful of Anastasia’s wishes and negotiations and genuinely seems to care about her. He’s not the most romantic but you can be sure of his dedication to you; and you only. A rare quality.

Yet because he likes to use handcuffs and a bit of rope in the bedroom, girls seem to think he’s the devil (even though you know they’re drooling over him on the inside but shh, feminism!) in disguise.

This is definitely not my head tackily stuck on Christian’s body.

If you haven’t watched it and you’re just spouting the same old whinging “it’s rape” drivel… it’s not, Anastasia agreed to everything he did to her.

And all the people who have watched it and are moaning about Christian’s dominating ways, you just know they were straight on the Ann Summers website as soon as they got home to make a start at their own little mini Red Room.

Realistically, the only problem is, your boyfriend probably isn’t as great as Jamie Dornan and you also likely realised after watching it that your sex life drastically pales into comparison and could never live up to the lives

Just lighten up and enjoy the film, it’s a good laugh, well acted by all involved and exactly what you should’ve expected if you had even the slightest inkling

Oh… and does anyone own a pair of handcuffs I could borrow?