I’m on (probably) the worst football team in Lincoln

And we’ve just decided to give up now…


I am captain of the joint bottom of Lincoln University 5-a side league team: Hardy’s Angels. And we’re awful.

It hasn’t been a particularly good league for us. We’ve got battered almost every week, but the worst one Wednesday’s 11-0 defeat.

Yep, 11-0 – pretty demoralising. If you don’t turn up to the match you get a 10-0 loss, so basically if we hadn’t turned up we would have done better.

That’s never a good sign. As a result we did what any self-respecting group of lads would do, sulk and quit.

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Lincoln’s 5-a side league consists of 26 teams, with the top 16 qualifying for the next round. We decided to quit before it became too obvious that we had become Lincoln’s whipping boys.

The league takes place on Wednesday afternoons, each match lasting 25 minutes.

To be fair for the first few games we didn’t have a goalie and as a result we had to take it in turns to pick the ball out of the net every 30 seconds or so.

As well as this we also didn’t have any subs, while other teams had goalies as well as 3 or 4 subs, but even all that cant really justify the thrashings we’ve been receiving.

It’s almost as depressing as being a Blackpool fan, or an England player.

Our most recent 11-0 defeat was the longest and most depressing half hour of my life. I felt like I should have been writing Fifa apologies after that horrendous display.

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I would include a group photo of the team but for some reason that suggestion didn’t go down all that well. Spoilsports…

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An artist’s reconstruction of the anonymous team

Our greatest moment of the league was a 3-2 loss last week, it’s probably the only reason why we didn’t begin this week’s table rock bottom as our goal difference didn’t suffer too much from it.

There are still a couple of other teams with zero points too, but I guess we won’t have the chance to lose against them anymore which is a shame.

Our dismal performances in the league hasn’t completely killed our love of playing football, it got pretty close though.

The standard in the league is high, higher than any of us ever expected.