If uni students were political parties…
From hipsters to the feminists, here’s what would happen if students set up political parties
We all know SU politics is boring, but what if different groups in universities across the UK ran a political party? Peer through these suggested parties, along with what their policies and manifestos would probably look like in a nutshell! Who would you vote for?
1) The Lads
The British University Lads party (also known as the BUL) think banning The Sun from university shops is a rubbish idea, and promise that removing this is their top priority. The same goes for that dreadful Blurred Lines song as well. Other plans include student discounts for alcohol at the country’s shops and slashing the price of gym membership in half. You can expect their manifestio to be riddled with grammatical errors, regurgitated internet memes, crude sex jokes, and doodles of a nob (perhaps ‘NICK CLEGG IS A GAY LORD’ would also be scribbled alongside).
2) The Hipster Party
Why vote for something popular when you can do something totally different? The party consists of about twenty edgy ladies and gents, because any more would be considered too populated to be considered an indie party (hence why the cabinet is shuffled on a weekly basis). Cocaine would be legalized and homebrew DJ sets would be made mandiatory. Party members will be given a free pair of over-sized, unnecessary glasses!
3) The Top Dogs
Why do they call themselves The Top Dogs, you ask? They’re so rich, they bought a political party to run as a side hobby. You can expect the upper-class snobs from Oxford, Cambridge and snooty places like these running the country. Being poor would be made illegal. Budget shops and fast food joints would be replaced with expensive restaurants and over-priced shops. Hunting foxes, pheasents and poor people would also be made the new national sport, so grab your shotguns, kids!
4) Liberation Through Recreation!
Beware the LTR – this bunch of wacky nerds who recreate fantasy battles will create a Game of Thrones-style world, with cardboard pieces of armour, tin foil helmets and plastic swords. Chancellors of the party would appease to the Khaleesi and Khal of the UK, but this is likely just an excuse for them to sit next to a girl. Expect battles on the nearby fields and over-acting during their speeches to the country.
5) Feminist Party
These ladies and gents…mostly ladies…strive to make sure everyone’s experiences in the country are equal. Say goodbye to tabloid newspapers that have nude pictures, pole dancing, sexist songs and ‘lad’ culture, because this party are sweeping them out of the way. Feminists are certainly not all radicalists, and are still open to making sure everything in the country is fair game, regardless of what sex you are, such as plans to lower tuition fees.
Cast your votes in the comments below, voter! At least these choices are better than voting for BNP, right?