10 Things you’ll only get if you’re a Lincoln Uni English student

How your English course is fast becoming the stuff of nightmares.


1. Being extremely grateful for cheap course material. Becoming borderline delirious when you discover the free e-book.

2. “Read Moby Dick, Ulysses and Midnight’s Children for next week please”

3. Ulysses.

4. A first year treat of having a  lecture in the Architecture building, before being shunned back to the less impressive Village Hall where you belong.

Say goodbye to central heating and unbroken tables!

5. “Screw it, I’ll just watch the film.”, said at least once during your first year. Exclusion: The Portrait of Dorian Grey. It was basically just soft porn.

6. Analysing ridiculously short poems and and swearing you could do better.

7. That feeling you get when Rupert Hildyard spits out a poem. You’ve only just mastered how to pronounce”o’er” correctly.

8. “Do you want to be an English teacher or a writer?” Dammit, why did no one tell you they were your only choices?

9. Walking into the Cargill lecture theater during In-Class test week. And you thought you never went to class.

10. “There’s no right or wrong in creative writing”- there must be something very wrong considering the marks you’ve been getting.