I’ll deck you if you say Bradford’s shit, unless you live here in which case you’re absolutely right

You spend all your time complaining about living there, but as soon as someone from another city joins in you’ll completely defend it – only people from Bradford can say how shit it is.

You tell people you’re from Leeds

Admit it, you lie about where you’re from. Bradford’s rep is pretty bad given that it’s best known for the 2001 Riots. Obviously you’re not going to tell someone you’ve just met that you’re from a city that had a literal hole in the middle of it for 10 years.

Usually when someone asks you’ll just say Yorkshire or, if you’re feeling brave, maybe “Near Leeds.” This also means that you can tell straight away when someone else is from Bradford – it’s like a code word just for us.

People think you’re joking when you tell them this was the city centre for 10 years

Everyone says they knew Zayn Malik before he was famous

Our very own Zayn Malik just proves that you can take the boy out of Bradford, but you can’t take Bradford out of the boy. His Mum is a regular in Morrison’s and he’s even managed to show Gigi Hadid that Bradford City is the only football team worth knowing about.

You’ve definitely claimed more than once that you were best mates before he made it big, or that you know of someone who used to flush his head down the toilet back in the day. The public was shocked when he was caught smoking weed, but we all know that’s just standard for a Bradford boy.  Never change Zayn.

Meeting people on holiday who are also from Bradford happens a lot 

You’ll touch down somewhere sunny hoping to expand your horizons, maybe even meet someone from the elusive south. Next thing you know you’ll be on a bar crawl chanting ‘Yorkshire’ repeatedly. The barmaid is from Idle and your holiday rep is from Wilsden.

It’s more than likely that you’ll end up sleeping with someone you’ve probably taken home from Shed before, without even realising it’s round two. There’s no escape because everyone from Bradford is so bloody friendly.

See u in Shed next Friday

Bradford Lass Issues was the Bible

Where did you go? Please can you come back? Only Bradford Lass Issues could get away with joking about how shit Bradford is. Calling people out for all the grimy things that go up here so well was a true talent.

Yeah, a few people got a bit mardy when she ranted about weekday parents, but let’s be honest: Someone needs to call Bradfordians out on all the shit they think is acceptable behaviour.

But what do I do for Magaluf 2017??

You definitely went to the ice rink’s foam parties at least once

Bradford Ice Rink slightly resembles a scene from a post apocalyptic movie, but we all love it anyway. Underage and bored, you definitely went to a few Friday night disco sessions, or if you were really going for it one of their on ice foam parties.

It was inevitable that at some point in the evening a lad in hockey skates would get a bit cocky and either knock themselves out, or send some innocent bystander flying. If the night ended without a fight outside or an ambulance called, it was pretty boring.

Their cheesy chips are the food of gods

Broadway is a bit shit, but you won’t admit it

We waited 10 years, but the wait wasn’t really worth it now, was it? Bradford was promised a Westfield ages ago, but then they decided to go to London and New York instead (can we really blame them.) Of course Bradford was left with a hole the size of a football pitch in the middle of the town centre.

Then suddenly your Mum got all exited: Pam from the Coop said that “They were actually building.” There’s even a Debenhams.

“We’re like Leeds now,” said Pam. Well I’ve got news for Pam – we’re not. Everyone knows that they’d much rather spend a day shopping in Leeds or York than in Bradford.

Che Bar, Revs, and Tokyo will never be forgotten 

Who didn’t love Finesse though? A night out in Bradford just isn’t the same without fishbowls from Che Bar to start it off. You definitely tried to get into Tokes underage and then bragged about it next day, even if you got rejected and tragically went to Tequila or Chicken Cottage instead.

The day Bradford City beat Arsenal was basically Christmas 

Football is a religion in Bradford and City is the only god.