An ode to Never Have I Ever

The best way to find out which of your friends has had sex in a park


We all have dangerous territory in our pasts and, when alcohol is involved, our filter is lost.

When this happens, those sober truths inevitably get spoken. It seems that predrinks simply isn’t complete without some kind of sexual revelation. But why do we continuously sell our souls to the devil that is Never Have I Ever?

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The Beginning 

10pm. Pre-drinks. The drinks are going down but apparently not fast enough. “Let’s play a game”. The dreaded words… “Never Have I Ever!” some comical genius slurs with glee.

The wolves are out and they’re hungry for secrets, for the sordid deeds you committed in the dead of night, or in broad daylight as it turns out.

You hate that they’ve picked this game, or at least you want to. You secretly love it. The chance to boast about exploits and accomplishments combined with the chance to mock everyone elses? Perfect.

Are you the virgin?

You might think you’re safe. You sip quietly when necessary, but not drawing attention to yourself – the beginning is the tame stage of the game. Everyone’s done this…that…the other…

Then the game changes. The people want blood. It’s time to get personal.

The Betrayal

That friend who you confided in about that one time back in March, turns to you, a wicked gleam in her eye. You plead with her silently – she doesn’t need to do this. If she does, then it’s war. No limits. Anonymity is gone and everything is on the table.

All is not lost. She wants to show you up? Then time to show off. Why hide that time in Sheffield with that boy…and then that other boy…no, wear it with pride. That was your conquest and these are your people.

Smile through the shame, they won't notice.

Smile through the shame, they won’t notice.

The Revelation 

Also known as being dobbed in it by your mates. The statement is made. “Never have I ever…”

You name it, someone has done it. Threesome on tour? Had sex outside? Fumbling at the foam party? Sticky fingers in a church? Completed it mate.

You can’t hide from this game: it is unforgiving. Think you’re the angel? The innocent? Nope.

You may have repressed the memory of what happened on the college leaving party on the cricket field but Never Have I Ever hasn’t. The intoxicated may not be able to string together a simple sentence such as “come to the toilet with me” but they can sure as hell think of the most embarrassing and revealing statement possible – probably because they’ve done it themselves and just fancied downing another bev.

Never Have I Ever...come out of the closet

Never Have I Ever…come out of the closet

STORY TIME

You heard the statement. You drank your drink. All eyes are on you. You think its over, and it’s time to embarrass some other poor soul about their questionable choices in Maga2k13.

But no, the vampires have begun to feed on your discomfort and they won’t stop until you’re bled dry. Someone screams the unmistakable words of ‘STORY TIME’ and you’re forced to stand, drink in hand. Your fellow comrades have abandoned you, glad that the attention is not on them for at least a couple more minutes.

You take the group on a trip down memory lane and if that wasn’t enough, you’re then made to down your drink for the sinful deeds you committed in the (not too distant) past.

It tastes like shame but it’s worth it. You see the secret approval in their eyes. The silent round of applause. You are the girl that saw what she wanted at Jack’s 21st and took it.

mmm spicy

Mmm spicy

So why on earth do we keep playing it? 

It’s like taking a picture of your food – if you dont tweet, instagram and text your nan about it, did it really happen?

If you didn’t play Never Have I Ever, did you ever even go to LetsDisko? This game is the holy grail of pre drinks. It’s the single most effective bonding a group of friends or sports team will ever have. Now that you all know each others dirty little secrets, can you ever stop being friends?

There is an element of trust that comes with the game – what happens at pres, stays at pres…which it likely will, because no one will remember a damn thing anyway.

Another sweet positive to this game is that it guarantees to get you drunk – experienced or not so much, everyone needs to drink away the shame one way or another.

Never Have I Ever, we salute you.