The staple experience of every veteran O2 goer
VKs, VKs everywhere
The new academic year is in, LetsDisko social nights and standard Shabang!’s are in full play. You know the drill.
Waking up to 60 whatsapps and a missed call from your mum – you learn more about your night from other people.
Let’s face it, VKs are no body’s drink of choice. But when you’re already off your face from pres, the appeal of its colour makes it seem like a good idea- until you wake up confused as to why your puke looks like you’ve eaten a smirf, and your burps usher back the regrettable memories of the night before.
Top tip: Take a hip flask, securely conceal it in your cleavage or trousers – work it off as a third boob or stiffy.
The main room
At its most colourful on a Wednesday, when it’s overrun by socials totally nailing their themed costumes.
Wearing a white shirt seemed like a good idea at the time. But trapped in a mosh of rugby lads during ‘Year 3000’, and shooting shapes under a fountain of rainbow coloured VK juice, will leave you awakening to a sweaty tie-dye rag, with a tropical blueberry scent.
It’s time for the R’n’B room, because there are only so many Taylor Swift songs you can take in a 20-minute period.
As a girl, you’ll find you’ve been unaware of the dancing partner you’ve had for the past three songs – slyly dancing behind you in the belief that he’s actually pulled, regardless of the fact he’s yet to make contact with you.
As this guy – you’ve pulled a stunner, ultimate lad of the night.
The stairs: It’s a slippery slope
When the hype of the Rn’B room wears off, you excitedly run downstairs to join your friends in the main room – it’s at this point your feet choose to vacate the floor and your ass takes the hit.
The girls behind you ask if you’re okay, you conceal your tears of embarrassment as laughter and your ass feels like fire. But does it stop you from dancing? No, you’re a warrior – and the bruises are evidence of your strength, a proud mark of your LetsDisko and Shabang! dedication.
Losing your friends
But, contrary to the typical British attitude of staring at the floor in public to avoid social contact, you’ll be so drunk you’ll become best friends with that person you recognise from your course.
Then, in a Cinderella-esq scenario, after 3am you’ll go back to being total strangers who avoid eye contact in future lectures.
‘Clubbers of the Week’
You’ll try your hardest to make the cut, but the reality is you’ve got a better chance of being a creeper than a ‘stunner of the week’.
The night is not complete without chips and garlic mayo
Tired and legs aching from too many ‘drop it like its hot’s – you’ve earned your bit of grease.
There’s no better taste than a Fast Food Factory to see the night in. But you’ll probably experience the same disappointment every week after hearing those soul destroying words “We don’t serve chicken nuggets”.
Chips will be attractively shovelled down. And that sweaty tie-dye rag of a top, with a tropical blueberry scent, will act as a perfect napkin for those BBQ or curry sauce accidents.