How to survive a whole year with your annoying housemates

‘PS: Pls leave the sink CLEAN thanks guys’

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If you’re organized (and don’t fancy being homeless) you’ve probably already sorted your selves into houses for next year.

The thought of co-habiting with your pals is right up there with catching the last ever Red Leicester T-shirt (probably the highlight of any adult life), but before you crack open the Prosecco, be warned.

Reality is, as soon as you sign that rental agreement, cabin fever will begin to set in and all the little things about your friends that seemed so trivial last year, will become magnified to apocalyptic proportions. This is quite a natural response to living with people, so don’t panic.

If you spot any of the following traits in your future housemates (and it’s already too late to run for the hills) take note of the advice below and win the battles before they turn into full-blown wars.

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Disclaimer- If by some chance my advice doesn’t work, maybe just resign yourself to the fact that the library will become your best friend as pulling all nighters is for sure the best way to avoid intra-house conflict.

 The passive-aggressive note-leaving housemate

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This indirect attempt at human contact can be quite annoying, but don’t let your housemate’s misuse of note taking utensils get you down. It may seem like the best way to nip this problem in the bud is to burn all the post-its in the house, however this is impractical and probably a tad extreme.

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The best hand to play in this scenario is to leave a note back, keep it short and as sarcastic as possible. This approach, while showcasing your witty repartee, will also lighten the tension in the house and force communication between you.

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Annoyance rating: No love lost.

The ‘sorry guys but…’ housemate

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Everyone’s been on the receiving end of “sorry but”s. It’s so easy to miss the signals from this type of housemate because their phrasing seems so casual, but don’t be fooled by their jovial tone and nonchalant delivery.

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This type of housemate tends to be the one who is invaluable in a crisis but also makes you feel like you’re living under an oppressive parental dictatorship.

You usually have about three “sorry but”s before they turn into the passive-aggressive note leaver type and before you know it, there are dirty dishes and post-its all over the place. The best way to defuse this situation is to smile and nod (juvenile or genius you decide), they will think you took their nagging on board and you get to live in peace.

Annoyance rating: A tad annoying

The cheeky midnight romp housemate

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If you are one of those “all over the house” types, you will probably run into some issues with your housemates. Usually establishing whether its “cool to bang on the kitchen counter” isn’t high up on the agenda mid-romp, so avoid any shower sex walk-ins by setting boundaries early on, and by locking the bathroom door.

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Try to keep your sexploits out of each other’s rooms, clean up after your selves (leaving used condoms lying around is a throat punchable offence) and keep communal areas fair game so long as your housemates aren’t subjected to your bare butt cheeks.

You can get your booty call on, but just be aware student house walls tend to be thin. Hearing the ohhh’s and arrrhh’s of your fumble can make it hard for your housemates to look you in the eye the morning after, so bite your pillow and turn your music up.

Annoyance rating: We need to talk

The forever borrowing housemate

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These are the type of cheeky so-and-so’s who will borrow your plates and cutlery (usually without asking) and then keep them hostage in their rooms for weeks. Students are unlikely to be cooking gourmet meals on a daily basis, but on the off-chance we do decide to dabble in the art of haute cuisine, it would be nice to have some clean dishes to eat from.
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Boundaries are key here. If you’re usually pretty liberal with lending allow yourself to implement the conditions that a) they have asked you first b) they will return your stuff if or when you need it. Be tough but fair on these people.
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You could also refuse to lend anyone, anything, ever (which makes you look like a bit of a dick) or you can let them know when you need things back, set a deadline. You never know when you’re going to need something from one of your housemates, so avoid a goods embargo by not allowing them to take the piss.

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Annoyance rating: We need to talk. 

The ‘I’ll do it later’ housemate
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If you live with this type of housemate the best thing to do it develop the patience of a saint. It seems to be that “later” is a synonym for “never” and short of pestering them to clean up their crap, there’s not much else you can do. They may resent you for a while, but if it means you’re home is no longer at risk of being a toxic hazard then nag away.

Annoyance rating: We need to talk.

 Follow these simple rules to ensure house-wide peace.

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